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steve's funeral was held two days after bucky woke up to find his lover gone. he had never felt pain like this before in his whole life.
steve was all that bucky had left, the only good thing left in his life was steve. although he did bring good things such as peggy and the shop, it was steve he cared about. the love of his life.
the short time they were given together was never going to be enough. they could be given infinite lifetimes and bucky would still complain it wasn't enough. he loved him so much.
bucky owned one suit, one black suit. the same one he wore to his grandmother's funeral a couple months prior. he wore the watch steve bought him two months ago and fastened his tie.
he stepped out of the changing booth as peggy waited for him. she saw him and smiled. "dashing as always, sargeant. steve would say the same" tears prickled in her eyes as she held bucky's face between her hands. bucky's hair was slicked back and his eyes glazed over with tears, he smiled softly.
steve told him not to cry for him. and by god he was trying his best not too. he had already done so, for two days. two heavy hearted days, bucky was aware he would be heavy hearted for the rest of his life, a gaping hole in his heart left where steve used to be. he wouldn't let it beat him up.
the service was quiet, bucky, steve, a couple of the flower shop workers and peggy's family attended. they all seemed sweet, like they all knew steve.
it was obvious it was as if peggy had lost a son, since she seemingly can't have any of her own. peggy's husband attended, his hands over his face as he weeped for the boy. bucky's cigarette hung between his teeth as he watched. he wanted to go home. he wanted to go back home to him and steve's bright yellow apartment that they painted themselves. he sighed as he stamped the cigarette out and headed back to talk with the others.
"you must have your speech prepared, right james?" asked peggy's husband. bucky gulped. he had no idea, he didn't have the time to prepare to do so as he felt his heart breaking in his chest, the two days after steve died were a complete blur, mainly because his eyes were tear stained and his cheeks puffed red.
"ah i, i don't. but i'll be fine, i'm good with words" bucky smiled heartedly as peggy's husband smiled back, understanding. it was peggy's turn to speak, and by god she did a good job of it. her speech consisted of what was expected from her.
"steve was like a son to me, my poor sickly boy. working shifts at the flower shop just like his mama used too back in her day" and so on.
bucky knew exactly what he wanted to say.
"gosh, steven grant rogers. we knew the day would come, but god did we pray it never would" peggy was now a mess of tears and running mascara as she finished, bucky opened her arms for her when she returned to the small crowd.
"you're up, soldier. he's listening" she whispered into his shoulder, he was riddled with anxiety as he walked to the small podium in front of steve's casket.
he coughed, the microphone blared as he awkwardly looked for words amongst his brain.
"steve rogers was" he paused, tears scratched the back of his throat lightly as he spoke. he swallowed them back.
"steve rogers was the brightest light beam of a human i have ever met, his smile, his passion for everything he did. his triumph and his attitude, he was a walking sunshine amongst us all. and by god was he the love of my life. the short time i was given with him wouldn't ever have been enough to fulfill me. i'm eternally grateful, in the midst of everything bad that was happening in my life, he made me feel like none of it mattered. in the best possible way, even when he was having the worst time of his life. he never showed it. he was so strong, stronger than any soldier i've met on battlefield. he was battling himself daily, and by god was he strong."
bucky's words flowed from his lips with ease and passion. talking about steve was one of his most favourite things to do. and so it came to him easily.
"i don't think i've ever loved someone so dearly, missing him is going to be the most difficult task i've ever had to overcome, and i've fought in the cold war. nothing will ever be more painful than this, i can safely say so." bucky had a singular tear roll down his cheek softly, the small crowd clapped as bucky stepped from the podium to join them. the service wasn't long.
it would've never done steve justice.
bucky's pain was indescribable, it hurt more than being shot in cold-blooded wore. he's been wounded many times, but this one cut him the deepest.
but steve told him not to cry. so he refused to do so.
