dazed and confused - norenmin

twenty three

jeno

jeno couldn't take his eyes off jaemin.
he had never seen the other boy so intimate with someone else, and so casually, as he himself sat on the sidelines.

he knew that the younger boy had been feeling ignored, even though this was absolutely not the case, and in his upset state had sought comfort elsewhere. jeno wasn't sure whether jaemin had hoped to make the others jealous, but either way it had certainly worked. the way hyunjin's lips brushed against jaemin's ear as he murmured to him, the way jaemin's fingers danced across hyunjin's thigh as he leant back against the older boy, caused a tightening in jeno's chest and heat to spread from his heart to his extremities.

jeno noticed the difference in jaemin after renjun left. shoulders slumped, lips in an unconscious pout, eyes downcast, he was no longer responsive to hyunjin's touch or words.

jeno knew the younger boy better than he knew himself, and as he watched jaemin internalising his distress he instantly saw through the facade the other boy was desperately trying to maintain.

after some time had passed and renjun still hadn't returned, jaemin seemed more and more preoccupied. he glanced constantly in the direction the older boy had stormed off in, and eventually came to some sort of decision, as jeno could see from the determined set of his jaw.

when jaemin said something quietly to hyunjin then got up, clearly to follow renjun, jeno finally stopped observing and acted, spurred on by the build up of anger within him incited by jaemin's behaviour during the evening.

as jaemin began to walk away jeno grabbed his wrist so that the younger boy was spun back towards him, almost into an embrace.
jaemin stared at jeno, his eyes revealing the boy's surprise and anger, yet jeno could have sworn he glimpsed a flash of relief cross over the younger boy's features. then, as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone, replaced by a defensive mask.

"what?"

jeno felt his own anger surge up.

"you know exactly what. I get that you're mad at us, although you have no reason to be, by the way, but the way you're taking it out on us is just stupid. you've hurt renjun, and you've hurt me. seeing you like that, with him..."

jaemin's eyes widened, and he stepped a fraction closer.

"are you jealous?"

now it was jeno who turned defensive, jeno's eyes that widened, jeno who glared.

"eww, no! what are you on about? why would I be jealous? I like girls, remember? as if I would like you. we're JUST FRIENDS. anyway, guys liking guys is just wrong. it's disgusting."

even as the hate-filled words spewed from him, jeno regretted them. he was saying the opposite of what he felt. he had panicked, not ready to confront his feelings, causing him to hurt both jaemin and himself. he watched with horror as the younger boy's face crumpled, as he stumbled away and dug his fingers into his arms in a desperate attempt at comfort as he seemed to shrink into himself.

at that moment all jeno wanted to do was to go back in time, to erase his hurtful speech, or to go further, back to when the three of them had been on that very beach only that morning, when the world had glimmered and the sun had shone happiness into the hearts of the three boys. even if he couldn't time-travel, jeno was filled with a desire to hold jaemin close, to shower the younger boy in love and prove to him he hadn't meant any of what he had said.

but he just stood there, frozen, horrified at what he had done. he could only look on as jaemin's gaze hardened, as he straightened his shoulders and went back over to hyunjin.

the other boy had been hanging back just out of earshot, unwilling to intrude on what was clearly a complicated situation, but as jaemin became visibly upset he had approached. he allowed the younger boy to pull him close and didn't hesitate to wind his arms around jaemin's waist, holding him in a way that was both soothing and intimate. he kept his focus on the younger boy as jaemin turned back to jeno, eyes blazing.

"think this is disgusting?"

time seemed to slow for jeno.
ironically, the power he'd wanted came too late. he could only watch, helpless, as a series of images flashed before his eyes and ingrained themselves eternally into his memory:

jaemin, pulling hyunjin close.

jaemin, wrapping his arms around hyunjin's neck.

jaemin, bringing their lips together.

jaemin, breaking jeno's heart.

author's note

oh shit.
whoops sorry jeno things are looking pretty angsty right about now, let's hope there isn't MoRE dRamA ;)

thank you for reading, I love you (yes you) more than jaemin loves czennies - which is saying a lot

xxxx