dazed and confused - norenmin

twenty nine

renjun

"h-hello?"

"hey jeno, it's me. we need to talk. can you come to the beach now?"

"renjun? yes, oh my god, yes i'll be there as soon as i can"

"thank you, I- I really appreciate it"

sitting with his back against a rock that hid him from the others, renjun let out a shaky breath he didn't hadn't even noticed he was holding in. he allowed the tension in his body to slowly dissapate as he focused on the scene before him, the deep, rich, enveloping blue of the heavens and the reflected moonlight cutting a delicate line along the horizon between sea and sky. with the bonfire far behind him, renjun was left alone with his thoughts.

but what was he thinking? even within his mind, the place renjun felt safest, he couldn't find the words to express how he was feeling. all that was passing through his head was a series of images, playing on a reel that came in and out of focus but never paused its steady and continuous loop.

over and over he watched jaemin and hyunjin, illuminated by the glow of the fire's embers, lost in each other. renjun focused on jaemin's face, full of escape and ecstasy, and wished with all his might that it had been him who could make jaemin feel like that. he didn't hate hyunjin, the boy had been nothing but polite to him, but he couldn't help feeling a sense of bitterness and jealousy when he saw them together. it had seemed to renjun that there had been a connection between jaemin and himself, and jeno too for that matter, since the day the three had met. but suddenly it had all gone horribly, horribly wrong, and renjun didn't know what to do to put the pieces of their relationship back together.

head and heart full of jaemin, renjun started when he opened his eyes and saw jeno running across the sand and coming to a halt in front of him, hands on his knees as he caught his breath. panting, with dishevelled hair and a hastily thrown on soft-looking green T-shirt, jeno looked up at renjun with an expression of anxiety.

"sorry- that took so long- I ran as fast as I could- *wheezes* it's kind of a long way-"

renjun smiled.

god he's so cute when he's agitated.

"it's alright, jeno, thank you for coming. you should really breathe at some point tho"

he put his hands on jeno's shoulders to emphasise this point. this proved to be a big mistake, the boy looked up at him again through curling strands of dark brown hair, with that goddamn eye-smile that is guaranteed to make the recipient weak at the knees. flushed scarlet, renjun let go off jeno like he was a hot potato (which, let's be honest, he is).

"a-anyway, I need to talk to you. about jaemin."

jeno's face fell as he remembered the reason for their meeting. he avoided renjun's concerned gaze as he straightened up and rubbed his neck self-consciously.

"what about him?"

renjun put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes at jeno.

"you know what. jaemin told me what you said to him, about him and hyunjin.
how could you?"

jeno crumpled down onto the sand and held his head in his hands. his voice shook as he told renjun about his father, the way his views had affected jeno, poisoning his mindset towards himself and those around him until suddenly it had burst forth, at the worst possible moment.

"I didn't mean it. I would never want to hurt jaemin like that."

renjun felt his heart soften at he took in the guilt-ridden boy before him, shrouded in misery. he flopped down beside him, arm brushing jeno's comfortingly.

"I think jaemin's doing okay. he was upset, obviously, but hyunjin's helping him get over it."

a tinge of bitterness entered his voice as he mentioned the other boy. sensing this, jeno glanced up at him through eyes glassy with tears.

"so that's...serious?"

"yep."

renjun popped the p as his hands unconsciously formed fists by his sides.

"I'd say their campfire make out looked pretty serious. jaemin was practically in his lap."

scrutinising renjun's face, jeno noted his obvious jealousy and felt his heart break twice, once at the thought of jaemin with someone else, and twice at renjun's reaction. he knew he shouldn't ask, but couldn't bear the uncertainty any longer.

"renjun, do you... like jaemin?"

author's note

how are you guys coping in lockdown? have restrictions been lifted or reduced where you live? sometimes I quite enjoy spending time by myself, but other times I just wanna hug my friends :( I'm going to have a social-distanced picnic soon tho!

thanks for reading, I really appreciate it!
xxxxxxx