"I would rather be (rather be), without vision before I ever watch you leave"
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I feel broken. All I wanna do is cry, scream, punch Nick in the fucking face. I've stayed in my room since y/n walked away from me. I haven't eaten, I haven't slept. I feel like I can't do anything. It's like a forgot how to breathe. I forgot how life was without her.
While I was in my bag I heard a knock on my door. I sat up "y/n?" I asked nervously. But it wasn't y/n. Nick opened the door and my face dropped. "What do you want Mara?" I asked frustrated that it wasn't y/n. even more frustrated that of all people it was him.
"Listen, man, I uh..." He rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm really sorry." I looked at him, confused as hell.
"what?" I said, never expecting him to ever apologize to me about this, especially a day after everything went down.
"y/n uh... she wrote me a letter. I didn't think it was this serious. I'm sorry." he clarified.
"okay..." I said not sure where to go from this point of the conversation.
"she left you a letter too," Nick said holding out an envelope with my name in y/n's handwriting on it.
I got up and took the envelope "what do you mean left me a letter?"
"she's gone, she took all of her things and left, she's not answering any of my texts or calls. Her mom called me saying she's fine and to just leave her alone for a while," Nick said looking down. That hit me like a pile of bricks. I sat back down on my bed and stared at the wall. It should have never gotten this deep.
"I'll uh... leave you to it." Nick said turning to walk back out. Before he left he turned his head to me "I didn't mean any of that by the way, I was just angry. That-uh... that doesn't make it okay but I wanted to apologize again."
I looked up at him and nodded. I truly had no words. I'm still processing everything. With that he nodded back and walk out, closing the door behind him. I opened the envelope and read it.
...
dear edwin,
I'm sorry. I know you were probably hoping that I changed my mind but I just can't do that. I can't be the reason that everything falls apart.
I love you with everything I have. I hope you can forgive me one day for walking away. I did it with the best intentions. It was both the easiest and hardest decision I've ever made. I love both you and Nick. This is me putting you both first.
Please don't try to call. Please don't chase after me. It has to be this way.
Oh, here's my fav polaroid of us. I thought you should have it. Maybe now you can hang it up on your wall of fame.
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With so much love,
y/n
...
I detached the polaroid that was stuck to the paper and put it on my wall.
I can't believe I lost her. After I told her that I'd fight for her no matter what.
I walked over to Nick who was in her room. It still had all the furniture in it, but her things were gone. she was gone. Nick was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.
"We can't lose her like that," I said. Nick was startled for a second not expecting anyone to walk in. But he nodded in agreeance.
We went down to the studio where the other boys were at.
