His real name is Eggwardo, but I said no fuck that. The cover is a picture of Eggwater, living his best life.
This is the story of how Eggwater came to be the greatest pigeon chaser and the richest alive thing in the world.
Features the grand showdo...
Disclaimer: I do not own Gordan Ramsay or Beyoncé, or any other famous person. These products' owners are unknown and I don't want anyone to be confused.
~~~~~~ "What are we going to do, Gordan?" Eggwater's mother screams. "This was a horrible mistake! It'll cost too much and we can't fix this!"
"Can we wait until we actually see if any harm has been done?" Gordan Ramsay says, annoyed. "Besides, every time we fuck you always scream about how the used condom won't work and how I'm going to get you 'pregnant'?"
He goes faster and she rolls her eyes, reading a magazine more calmly.
"You're such a stupid donkey you're not even speaking English! 'Pregnant'? What a loser."
"Gordan!"
"SHUT UP YOU STUPID DILDO!"
"I wish you used a dildo instead of your short ass dick!" Beyoncé exclaimed.
Gordan Ramsay slapped her across the face and they kept going for two nights without stopping. Then the condom ripped.
~9 months later~
Beyoncé was in the hospital because she managed to drag herself there. Gordan refused to believe she was going to have a baby. He was at home chugging some fancy beer, since he is a professional food critique, he needs fancy alcohol.
Beyoncé sat on the hospital bed, gossiping with a nurse about the latest news when Eggwater slipped out.
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Beyoncé took him home and breastfed him while driving, and when she got to the house Gordan immediately beat her up for being a woman.
~~~~~~~
Eggwater is now 10 years old. He is having quality time with his loving mother when she suddenly has a heart attack and is sent to the hospital to die.
Gordan is an abusive father to Eggwater. He beats him daily and drinks all the time. When he isn't home he is hanging out with other chicks, as the stereotypes go.
Eggwater hates his father. He was 12 years old when he ran away. He found a flat lesbian cop mom named Maggie who lives with her hot sister Lexie and their very caring mother, Lauren.
Maggie and Lexie are old enough to be Eggwater's mom, but it's only Maggie and Lauren who takes care of Eggwater. Lexie is out having sex with her wife and her wife's exes, and her wife's exes' exes.
Maggie is very good to Eggwater, when she is home. But she is out a lot to take care of business with pesky criminals, so Lauren takes her place.
~~~~~~~ "Honey, it's your first day of this new school! Get up and I'll make some pancakes," Lauren says to her son.
"Yes, Mommy... But I don't think you should make pancakes... Or any food. We just bought another house BECAUSE you burned down the last 4!"
"So silly." Lauren decides to take her son's advice and helps him get ready for school. He made his own poptarts.
The bus came and Lauren kissed her son on the forehead. "Be good at school, baby! See you after!"
Eggwater went out the door, excited for his first day. Who knows what's going to happen next!
