The Life of Eggwater

Execution Day

Eggwater, Lauren, Maggie, and Lexie get dressed up really nice for Arizona's execution. Today at 11 am, Arizona will be beheaded for trying to blackmail the richest male on the earth.

Eggwater takes a ride in Maggie's expensive invisible Mercedes and they get there by 10. They don't want to be late. Naturally, they have a paparazzi waiting for them and they can't step anywhere that isn't a red carpet.

They also get front row seats, and that's where Lexie ditches them to flirt with hot girls. Maggie is going to be the executioner today, and she's quite happy at that, and Lauren's going to watch with her favorite child, Eggwater.

It is now 10:30 am. The mayor tells everyone to quiet down so they can wait 30 minutes for Arizona to come out.

(30 minutes later)

Arizona's mother screeches and punches the nearest officer, upset about her daughter's soon to be execution. She races towards Eggwater and kicks him in the gut.

Eggwater falls to the ground. He's hurt!

Lauren, naturally, apprehends Arizona's mother and throws her onto the chopping block with rage and fire burning in her eyes. She looks at the mayor, and asks him if she can do what she must.

He nods.

Lauren chops off her head and bangs it on the ground, stomping on it twenty times before it finally explodes and the only thing left is the body.

She returns to Eggwater and he hands her a handkerchief to clean off the blood and she politely takes it.

"Nobody messes with Eggwardo. Nobody." She gives some ugly boys a dirty look, because they are cowboy boys and they must be bullies.

A few minutes later, Arizona is tied to a big wooden board and she's scared. She sees a dead body by the chopping block while the guards take her there.

She recognizes those ugly shoes!

"MOM! WHAT DID YOU UGLY BEASTS DO TO HER?? SHE WAS INNOCENT!" Arizona tries to escape the grasps of the rope and the guards (and Maggie) and glares at Eggwater.

"It was you!"

"Your mother kicked Eggwater, Arizona. She had to pay. And so do you," the mayor says from a hot air balloon that showed a picture of Eggwater and his famousness.

Arizona is fuming. She looks at Eggwater and screams, "You son of a bitch!"

Everyone gasps at her. Did she just call Eggwater that? Maggie steps forward in anger, but the mayor speaks up first.

"SOMEONE BRING OUT THE RAT CAGE," screams the mayor. "WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE MEDIEVAL TIMES."

So Maggie straps Arizona to the floor of the stage and tells the guard to bring out a vicious rat in a cage that has no bottom from nowhere.

The only reason the rat isn't falling out is because there is a plate underneath it, but they put the rat and the cage on her bare stomach.

Maggie heats up the cage and the rat is scared and wants to leave. It only has one way out.

Arizona's tummy!

Everyone cheers at the rat claws through her stomach and out and Arizona screams.

Then they leave her to die and get ice cream! There won't be a funeral, because Daddy doesn't care enough and Mommy's dead.

"Eggwardo, what flavor ice cream do you want?" Lauren glances at her son.

"Carrot," Eggwater says dreamily. Then he snaps to reality. "Oh- uh I'll just have cookie dough!"

Lauren raises an eyebrow but still gets his ice cream and then gets her, Maggie, and Lexie some. Maggie had to clean off from the blood that squirted onto her nice tuxedo.

"Honey, please, next time you execute someone don't get so much blood on your new tux. I paid $100 for that."

"Sorry, Lauren," Maggie apologizes. She digs into her ice cream.

And so the family has a nice day out, but Eggwater's mind is somewhere else the entire time.