Love and Tears

[Love and Tears] part 6.

My throat felt it did when you dry swallow a pill. My stomach was turning like a washing machine. My head was spinning like it was the end of my world, and as much I hated the job, I knew I needed it and couldn't let it go. Where was I going to live? I had friends back like 5 hours away where I used to live and that would be a big hassle. I would have nowhere. 

I scratched my skin deeply, leaving cuts in my forehead, as I thought about what to do. It was only 3 hours, how could terry do that to himself in that amount of time? 

I chucked all my beach stuff out of my bag and left it there on the floor as I replaced it with my keys, bus pass and some money. I decided I would stop being so selfish and go to see if Terry was ok. If I did leave my job, I could live in a hotel. Not like I had enough money, but I figured something would pop up. 

I ran out my little dorm, slamming the door behind me and making sure the lights were turned off.

I was nicely greeted by the receptionist, bit I rudely dismissed her and told her it wasn't a good time. She looked appaled at my attitude, but it was a crisis. No time for chat! 

I waited impatiently for the bus. I assumed they were at the local hospital. If they weren't, then i'd be screwed as there were many hospitals in the area. The bus was taking forever. But then again a lot of things take forever when your curious about if your going to have a job and a home at the end of night. 

The bus finally came. The hospital was about 3 stops from the home but I didn't even think about walking. It was still light as it was summer, but I just wasn't in the mood. I watched the trees rustle in the gentle breeze of summer as I tried to clear my head. I thought about the days back when I was 5, when the thought didn't even occur to me that my parents would die a couple of years later. I smiled as I thought about the dolls, hats and light up shoes they had brought me. A small tear dropped down my cheeks but I wiped it away immediatley because I was on public transport. 

After about 20 minutes in traffic I finally exited the bus. I took a deep breathe in as I walked down the hospital road. I tried to keep my head held high as I walked in. I had done no wrong! I had one little 3 hour break and there was all this comotion. I hadn't had one break since I started working there, not even for sick leave! I didn't deserve this. 

After asking the nurse where Terry was, she directed me to ward 2. I found him lying there with June sat down next to him. He had tubes down him and his eyes were closed. June stood up when she saw me. 

"Ahh good. Callie you're here. I need a word with you," she said. I gulped as I could only imagine watch punishment I would recieve. June directed me to the cornor and I followed obidiently. 

"Callie tell me this... What don't you understand about no?" I stayed silent. "Because I remember telling you I wouldn't cover your shift for you. I think you translated that as leave your disabled uncle alone for 3 hours. I don't know if you've noticed but he can barely stay on his own for 10 minutes!" 

"I needed a break," I responded, shyly. 

"Oh ok. So you needed a break. Right. Don't you think we all need a break? It's just common sense not to leave a disabled person on their own. Your uncle could have died for that 'break' you needed." she yelled. I stayed silent. 

"Well! I hope this little 'break' was worth it. Your uncle almost died." 

"Is he ok?" I asked, stupidly. 

"Yeah he's perfectly fine," She said, sarcastically. "Ofcourse he's not OK!" 

"Well, what happened?"  

"He chocked on his vomit. The tubes are sucking any remaining vomit left in his lungs. He was drowning. Lucky I walked in when I did." she stated. I looked down. I tried to hold back my tears. I had cried enough in one day. 

"Oh. So what happens now?"  

"Well, we wait. We wait and see if he's OK, if he recovers. I'll give you one more chance if he survises. But if anything happens like this ever again, I'm afraid I'll have to let you go. This is your first warning. Get another and you're fired, do I make myself clear?" She asked firmly. 

"Yes Ma'am." I replied. 

"Good. One more chance. Now go over to Terry and see if he's awake yet." She ordered, seeing the vunerability in me. 

"Yes Ma'am." I repeated, walking over to Terry. His heart-rate beeped frequently on the monitor which was a good sign. I sat by his side as I held his cold and pale hands. I could see his blue vains running through them. I sighed, had I caused all this? One break with Jay and all this happened. My uncle almost died and I had almost lost my job and home. Maybe it was a sign? 

Thinking if him, he wrang. I gently placed Terry's hand back on his bed as my pocket continued to vibrate. June screwed her face up at me but I happily ignored them. I went back around the cornor. 

"This is not the time Jay," I greeted him coldly. 

"Sorry. I just wanted to know if your OK."  

"Well I'm not." I replied without hesitation. 

"Aww why what's wrong? Didn't you enjoy today at the beach?" He asked. 

"No it's not that. It's just something else has come up..." I responded. 

"Like?" He intruded, nosily. 

"Just ahh... Don't worry about it." 

"Please?" 

"Someones in hospital, that's all you're getting from me." I told him. 

"Oh. Well that's a shame."  

"Yup." 

"Anyway do you want to do something tomorrow?" He asked. 

"Did you just not hear me or something? I'm in a hospital. How can you think about tomorrow?" I yelled, in a hushed tone. 

"Well sorry, I, I didn't think-" 

"No. You didn't. And I don't think 'this' is a good idea." 

"By 'this' you mean?..." 

"Whatever friendship or whatever it is we have! It needs to end. This whole things jinxed." I said, heating up. I calmed down, "Listen, I don't think this is right. From the first day you talked to me, something went wrong. I just don't need that right now. I need to focus on my job."  

"No! No please, I'm so sorry for anything I've done wrong. For any pain I've caused you. I've never meant it. Please just give 'this' a chance." 

"No." I replied. He breathed. 

"Why not? You've only known me for like 5 minutes." 

"Exactly! I can live without you." I exclaimed. 

"But-" I cut him off. 

"No 'buts'. Whatever we have, this thing is done. Over. Kapeesh. Finished!" 

"But Callie-"  

"No! I need to focus on my job." I told him. 

"So a jobs more important then me?" He asked. 

"Yes. No. Yes. I don't know! I know what I need and it's this job. If only you understood." I said, sighing. 

"Well tell me! Make me understand." he pleaded. 

"I can't. I just, can't." I said as I hung up and switched my phone off. I returned to my Uncle's side. June gave me that 'what just happened?' look but I ignored her. I layed my head down next to my uncle as I sobbed. Had I just done the right thing? 

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