Love and Tears

[Love and Tears] the end.

I lay awake all night. I was going to see Jay the next morning. What was I going to say to him? What was he going to say to me? Should I even go in?

I considered not going into work, but I really wanted to see him. I wanted to see if he was okay. I wanted to see if he still looked the same, which he obviously would if I saw him like a week before. I wanted to see what he'd say when he saw me. Maybe he'd hug me? Maybe he'd shout?

PNo matter how many times I tried, I couldn't push my thoughts out. There was a reason why I left and I left Jay. There was a reason and now he's come and changed all the plans. What a big coincidence it is for him to come to that particular tracking service though, right? Well maybe not. My trainer explained to me before that people come all over the world to find relatives they may think are in Canada. Apparently there's only three in the whole of Canada and this one I'm working at is known as the best and the one that people usually come to. I don't believe it to be completely honest but that was I was told and I had no evidence against it.

My life was actually getting somewhere for once and I was actually happy. Are you seeing a pattern? Because I am. Something goes right but then something bad always follows. Except its not something bad, not really, just something very confusing.

I was a little scared. Seeing Jay would bring back all the old memories and the old life I used to live. The life I thought I had escaped from. Clearly not. Its like someone somewhere out there is trying to squeeze every single bit of happiness I get and use it for it's own dirty, selfish ways. It gets hard having the same bad routine continue. Its like a cd stuck on reply. Except a bad cd with a song you hate.

Its not like I hated Jay, not at all, in fact I did the opposite but I just didn't want to see him. It was hard enough letting him go without him coming back in search for me.

My thoughts kept me awake all night and before I knew it, my alarm went off. I debated with myself for a couple of minutes as to whether or not I should go to work. Maybe I could convince my trainer that I wasn't ready for this yet and that someone else should deal with Jay? Just in case he says no, I'd bring a hat and a scarf and everything to cover my face.

I decided I'd go into work after all. It was my first real day! If I could be taking days off already, What impression would I give?

I groaned as I pushed myself out of bed. I got up and went to the bathroom.

The feeling of warm water sprinkling over my body allowed me to relax slightly. It was only Jay I was seeing, not anyone to kill me. Jay would never hurt me. He loved me. But did he really love me that much to come all the way to Canada to look for me?

After doing my make up and showering and dreadfully putting my clothes on, I left the hotel room. I walked down the streets, my surroundings blurred and my focus clear.

I had had a fringe before that had grown out ridiculously long so I decided to wear that out today and cover one of my eyes. Also, I took a hat with me and placed it on my head. It did kind of make a difference but you could still see it was me. I then took my scarf and wrapped it around my neck, wrapping it around my chin and lips too. Now you could only see my nose and one eye, which some people might say is scary, but you couldn't tell it was me unless you really looked. I grinned. I'd get to see Jay but he wouldn't get to see me. It sounds so harsh what I was doing but it had to be done. I didn't want him ruining his life because of me.

I covered my mouth as I yawned. I didn't get any sleep at all. I was too busy thinking. About what? A range of things but mostly Jay. Why was I taking this so hard? It was nothing bad! Was it?

Currently, I was loving the work hours! A weekend that starts on Friday and work hours that are hardly hours at all! I loved it. On top of that, I could buy a lovely big house and still have money left over after bills. How awesome could life get? Seeing Jay, I had a feeling it was about to get a lot better.