Grace ↠ (Camren)

i'm sorry i couldn't keep my lion tame, camila

TW: Brief mentions of sexual abuse. Be nice to yourselves.

Lauren's walls were slowly breaking down and Camila Cabello was gladly there to comfort her through the process. On that little bench in the park, Lauren spilled everything to Camila. It was almost shocking to the older girl how easily the words flowed from her lips. She told her how her parents had basically disowned her when she had told about her sexuality a few years back. They couldn't possibly accept that their daughter liked girls, and ever since then, their relationship had been a downward spiral with no chance of reconciliation. Her father had gotten violent with her a few times, but mostly he just spat hateful words at his daughter. Much like Lauren had done to the girl before her. Lauren told Camila how their relationship had only gotten worse when Lauren fell pregnant the April before she turned sixteen. She told her how they immediately pulled her from school and forced her to do homeschooling until January when Grace was born, telling their friends and colleagues that it was just something they were trying but ultimately it didn't work out, explaining why Lauren returned to school in the spring semester.

And finally, with tears falling down her face, Lauren admitted the biggest secret of them all.

"When I was fifteen, I was walking home late at night. I had gone to the grocery store for my mom...to get milk. And I didn't even see him. It was like I was all alone and then I wasn't." Camila had tears threatening to run down her own face at the words she was hearing, not liking where the story was going, but she gently grabbed Lauren's hand, stroking the soft skin with her thumb to encourage the young girl to continue on. "There's nothing I regret more in my life than walking down that alleyway. Sometimes I just wish I could go back and tell my stupid, naïve self not to take that shortcut. But I did. And he was so big and tall, he basically towered over me when he finally got me on the ground. And then he just-"And that's when Camila stopped her, telling Lauren that she didn't have to continue on if she didn't want to. Lauren cried harder. "When I got the positive pregnancy test a few weeks later my parents didn't believe me. They were certain that I had willingly been with another man behind their backs, that me being gay was just a way to get attention, that I was a dirty whore in their eyes. They were so concerned that their rich friends would shun them that they faked my mom being pregnant with Gracie instead, which was easy because my mom does most of her work at home while my dad does the more upfront stuff. And ever since then, I have been forced to hide her, to act like she isn't mine. It's been so hard, Camila."

Camila couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was like her own walls were caving in at what the green-eyed girl had gone through, but she forced herself to be strong. Lauren needed her in that moment, and despite the past events, Camila would gladly be there for her.

"You know, Lauren, there's a saying I read in a book once. Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. And right in front of you is your beautiful destination." Hearing the young girl's words, Lauren looked up and immediately felt warmth at the sight of her sleeping daughter. No matter what she went through, Grace would always be worth it. Even given the chance, Lauren wouldn't turn back and change what had happened to her because it would mean not having her daughter. And without Grace, there was no reason for Lauren to keep going. The young mother looked up with a small smile on her face in agreement with Camila. And just like that, Camila asked Lauren if she wanted to get ice cream at the truck parked on the street nearby. When they both had their individual ice creams, Lauren a regular vanilla cone and Camila a chocolate cone with nuts, they sat back on the bench and ate them quietly, although it wasn't an awkward silence. It was comforting, like a weight had been lifted from both their shoulders.

Just as the girls finished their ice cream, Grace began to stir in her car seat and Lauren decided it was time to let her get out and stretch her legs. Unbuckling the straps, she carefully lifted the baby into her arms and was immediately met with a big, gummy grin from her daughter. Although ten months old, little Grace still hadn't sprouted any teeth yet, though Lauren was well aware that she was teething due to constant drooling and a few long nights with a very fussy baby. Turning to Camila, Lauren figured it was time to formally introduce the baby to her. It was the first time she was able to introduce her as her baby. It made tears well up in her eyes. "Gracie, this is mommy's friend, Camila." Camila decided to stick her finger out for the little girl to hold and couldn't help a smile of her own from forming when Grace wrapped her little hand around her seemingly-giant finger. 

The girls sat there for a little while longer, playing with Grace and talking about silly things like school, before they noticed that the sun was beginning to fall lower into the sky. This was the moment Lauren dreaded, where she would have to return home for the night. And it was almost like Camila sensed it.

"Hey Lauren, would you like to stay the night with me tonight?" Camila said softly. "I-I...that would be nice but, um, I have Grace. And I don't want to intrude or anything. She doesn't really wake up during the night unless her teeth are bothering her but uh-" Camila placed her hand on Lauren's shoulder comfortingly. "Lauren, we would be happy to have you both."

And that's how Lauren Jauregui and her daughter ended up in Camila Cabello's bedroom that night. Camila made an excuse for her parents, that Lauren's parents were out of town and the girl was too afraid to stay in the large house alone with her baby sibling. Camila hated that she was fibbing to her parents once again, but she knew she couldn't tell them the full truth of Lauren's situation just yet. They were happy to accommodate the two of them and now Lauren and Camila were laying side by side on Camila's tiny bed, Lauren thankfully having had Grace's portable playpen in the trunk of her car. The baby was sleeping peacefully on the other side of the bedroom while her mother listened to soft music with Camila.

They live in wonder

A kingdom dropped into the deep of the ocean

Where emotions don't lay low

Her joyous thunder

Let it be heard just as the lighting in her eyes

Starts to creep out of her soul

Everything is better there

Floating castles in the air

Every daughters stop and stare

"Hey Camila?" Lauren's small whisper could only barely be heard.

"Yeah, Lauren?"

"I'm sorry...for everything."

"Don't be sorry, Lauren. We all have lions of rage in our chest that threaten to claw their way out and latch onto whatever prey is available. Some are just more ferocious than others."

Some people reach a place where

There is no time or space

Between two different creatures anymore

Boathouses in the trees and

Mountains that don't fear bleeding for

Another one, another one

I haven't made it there yet

But if I ever do get to the wonder

I will never leave

No, I'll sing

Love, love, love

I'll sing

Love, love, love

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep my lion tame, Camila."

So say goodbye to hating and cold feet and all of the lonely

Open my eyes so I can meet my lovely

I've waited so long, so long

Three years of thunder and oceans and all my emotions

Now that I'm here it was worth my devotion

Now I can sing love

Sing love

Camila turned her head to face Lauren, met with the vulnerable gaze of the girl beside her. She whispered ever so quietly, "I can help you tame it, Lauren." Lauren smiled sadly at the girl beside her, and that's when it dawned on her just how beautiful Camila really was. She had always known she was gorgeous on the outside, but the girl's selfless forgiveness of the hell that Lauren had put her through and willingness to be there for her showed just how pure the girl's soul was. Camila was ethereal inside and out. The feelings only intensified as Camila smiled back at her. Lauren couldn't believe the butterflies that were erupting in her stomach. Just as she thought of leaning in, the youngest Jauregui began to cry.