After their kiss, neither Camila nor Lauren spoke another word to each other. Camila turned to face the right side of the wall, while Lauren faced the left. Each girl was lost in their own thoughts of what the hell had just happened.
In Lauren's mind, she was mentally slapping herself for whatever in the world compelled her to kiss Camila in that moment. She wasn't sure how to explain it. It just felt right. But now, two hours later, all she could think was that she had made a huge mistake. Their friendship had just started to progress, and there were so many things they needed to work through. And she let her feelings get in the way of that. On the other hand, Camila couldn't help but wish the tingles Lauren's lips left on her own would linger longer. It was like taking the first hit of a super addictive drug and Camila couldn't help but want more. A common feeling the two girls felt, though, was that they were too scared to speak up.
A small, shrill cry ripped Lauren out of her thoughts. Pushing the blankets to the side, she padded over to the playpen where her daughter lay, red-faced and chewing on her finger as she wailed. Lauren picked her daughter up and held her close to her chest. "Do your teeth hurt, Gracie? Mommy has your orajel. Let me get it." She kissed her daughter's head before walking over to her backpack, pulling out the tube of medicine and applying it to her sore gums.
"You were meant to be a mom, Lo." Camila's raspy voice filled the room, taking Lauren by surprise. As the screwed the cap back on and walked over to the bed, her daughter on her hip, Lauren took note of Camila now sitting up on her bed, hugging her legs and staring at her. She looks beautiful, Lauren thought to herself. "Uh...thanks." Camila smiled gently as Lauren walked over to the bed and placed her daughter in front of her. The effects of the medicine calmed her down almost immediately, but now she was awake. It was something Lauren was used to but her overwhelming insecurity was scared that it would annoy Camila. Mixed with kissing Camila before, Lauren's mind was racing. "She's wide awake now so I'm not sure when she'll go to bed for a little while. If we're bothering you, we can leave. There's a shelter down the stree-" Camila immediately placed her hand on Lauren's own. "Lauren, you're not going anywhere. I'm not even tired. I don't mind staying up with you."
So, the two girls went on with their night. Camila played peek-a-boo with Grace, putting the pillow in front of her face and pulling it away quickly. Earning a few hearty giggles from the little girl, she felt accomplished and went on until her arms just simply couldn't take it anymore. When Grace's eyes started to grow heavy, Lauren held her close to her and fed her the bottle that Camila so graciously went downstairs and made, asking Lauren a hundred times if she heard the instructions correctly. When the baby fell asleep, she placed her back into her bed and crawled back into bed where Camila sat. The air soon held tension that both girls were well aware of. Lauren was the first to speak up.
"Camila, I'm sorry for what I did earlier. It was a mistake. I...I was just emotional and needed a release." Camila couldn't ignore the knife she felt in her chest. For a moment, she was hopeful that maybe Lauren felt the same way about her. And here she was, telling her that the kiss they had shared was only because of emotions and lust. She felt like her heartstrings were snapping in her chest, feeling the pain of them one-by-one. "Um...it's okay. We should sleep, Lauren. We go back to school tomorrow." Lauren smiled gently, unaware of the inner-pain Camila was feeling. "Goodnight, Camila."
When Camila woke up in the morning, the space in the bed beside her was empty. Grace's playpen was still up, although it was lacking a certain green-eyed little girl. Looking over to her nightstand, she saw a small piece of paper. Had to take Grace to daycare. – L. Camila sighed deeply. She knew Lauren meant well, but right now, it suddenly felt like things had back tracked to how they were before. Lauren wasn't necessarily being mean to the younger girl, but Camila was angry at herself for thinking Lauren would ever like her back. And the way Lauren casually brushed off their kiss as a mistake made Camila's blood boil. When she looked at Lauren, all she saw was the stone-cold girl that had hurt her for so many years. So, Camila began to distance herself, which was hard as Lauren was staying at her house.
In their shared history class, Camila avoided any contact with Lauren. Now having separate history projects from when Michael Jauregui demanded they not be in a group anymore, Lauren presented her project on Josef Mengele, while Camila did her project on Anne Frank. The whole time, Camila avoided the section of the room where Lauren sat. During Lauren's presentation, Camila stared at the wall. She felt Lauren's confused gaze burning into her skin.
When Camila got home from school, she made sure to keep the door unlocked so Lauren could come in after picking Grace up from daycare. She quickly walked to her room, putting her headphones in and doodling in her notebook. When she heard Lauren enter the room, she didn't make any moves to acknowledge her presence. She felt the bed dip beside her, hearing the girl sigh. She didn't even look to see how Gracie was, the little girl usually putting a smile on her face. She just wasn't feeling it. Honestly, Camila wasn't feeling anything.
"Camila...if we're burdening you. I mean, if you want us to go...we will. I told you there's that shelter up the road. Or I could go back to my house." Camila heard Lauren's voice, and without turning around, a soft, distant whisper fell from her lips. "You don't have to go anywhere, Lauren." And the green-eyed girl sighed. She couldn't figure out what was going on with the younger girl. The two girls sat in silence for a little longer before Camila spoke up. "Of all the people in our school, why did you choose to target me?"
And there it was. Camila had opened the can of worms that had caused thick tension to fill the air for the past few weeks. Neither girl dared to bring it up, and out of nowhere in Camila Cabello's room, they were going to talk about it. Lauren shifted towards Camila, positioning her daughter in her lap and finally capturing brown eyes in her own, although Camila avoided direct eye contact. "I don't know, Camila. I really don't know. You just seemed like this preppy little girl who had it all and I envied you for it. You seemed like a weak target. And I guess by the time I found out I was wrong I was already in too deep." Camila chuckled sadly. "I hated myself for hurting you, Camila. I hate that the hurt inside of me caused so much pain in you. I hate that sometimes you still flinch from my touch. I hate that you're so distant right now and I don't know why. Sometimes I hate that I'm still here, and if I didn't have my daughter I honestly don't know if I would be. Maybe things would just be easier that way anyway." Camila saw the way Lauren's bottom lip trembled at her words, and most of all, she saw sincerity in her eyes. Lauren was sorry. And she wholeheartedly meant it. "Lauren, no matter what you did or how much you hurt me, the day you were brought into this world will forever be the best thing to ever happen to me. Your life holds meaning and I never want to hear you wish it away again." Warm tears fell down Lauren's porcelain cheeks as she reached to cup Camila's cheek with her palm. "I'm so sorry, Camila. I never wanted to hurt you. I would do anything to make it up to you." Gaining a small bit of bravery, Camila made her next move cautiously. She inched closer to Lauren, noticing how many shades of green her eyes held. "Tell me you didn't mean to kiss me yesterday. Tell me you didn't feel more than lust in those moments. Tell me and I will never speak to you about it again. It can just be a thing of the past. Tell me, Lauren." Emotion consumed Lauren's face again, but Camila could see that it was different than the despair that had perplexed her before. "Camila...I-I can't tell you that." And with those words, Camila leaned in to capture Lauren's soft lips in her own, the older girl immediately reciprocating. Camila could feel Lauren's tears, tasting the saltiness of them in her mouth. She could feel the way Lauren's lips shook, and she could feel the awkward distance the baby between them caused. She was kissing a person who had caused her so much pain, but in these moments, all she felt was complete euphoria. No, the kiss the two girls shared wasn't conventional, but it was perfect. Separating, both girls stared at each other in shock. Lauren lifted her slender fingers to touch her lips, still tasting Camila's cherry chapstick on them. "Wow." Camila responded similarly, a small smile gracing the lips Lauren had just kissed. "Yeah, wow."
YOU ARE READING
Grace ↠ (Camren)
Fanfiction"a year ago, you did not know today. you did not know how you'd make it here. but you made it here. by grace, you made it here." ✹
