philophobia
• irrational fear of falling in love
"I think I fell in love."
"So?"
"I am afraid."
Namjoon never thought he would fall in love aand be head over heels for a person. No, not that he never thought of it, but he feared.
Maybe his irratio...
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Jisoo's facial expression remained a week in my mind. I analyzed her situation, comparing mine to her. I never imagined that Jisoo smoked or that she left her home. I couldn't leave my home until I met Yoongi, who made me understand how much better it would be for me to leave my parents, my home.
It left her in a different light. She wasn't the goody two shoes anymore. She was the rebel girl, who wouldn't let her parents beat her. All the talking with her made me no longer think that she was naive and tolerant, but rather a bomb, that kept ticking, and didn't seem to have much time before exploding. She had a lot of plans, dreams and still as.
I was again on a rooftop, this time alone, thinking at things. Different things. It was Jisoo's third favorite rooftop, that was why I was surprised to see Min Yoongi, one of my best friends walking up there. He looked at me surprised, not expecting either to see me.
"What are you doing here?" We asked both at the same time.
"I just had a lot on my mind." He said first.
"I just wanted to relax. I would enjoy your company." I invited him next to me. "Tell me, what's on your mind?"
"A girl." He told me and my interest suddenly started rising.
"And? How is she?"
"I... She is difficult. Totally different from what she is on the outside."
"Difficult girls usually aren't worth it, Yoon. Trust me and my experience."
"But she... she is."
"If she is, the go for her. Do I know her?"
He didn't reply immediately. I thought he didn't think I was close enough for me to get the information. "No. I am very sure. Her name is Song-i."
"Song-i." I smiled, happy that at least he gave me her name.
"She is sweet, caring, does give me cigarettes if I ask her. She is very caring."
"Takes care of your lungs?"
"Yeah, yeah. Song-i makes me smile."
Song-i makes him smile. Then it clicked. Song-i sounded so familiar, because I have heard the name before. Jeon Song-i.
"Jeon Song-i?" I asked him before thinking.
"Jeon?" He became suddenly tense. "No. I haven't talked with her after all that chaos."
Jeon Song-i was and remained mine and Yoongi's secret. Not even the boys knew about her.
Jeon Song-i was a name filled with happy and sad memories, regrets and what if's. It wasn't a name we happily talked about.
"Jeon is in the past. Now is the present. Forget the Past Song-i. Now is the Present Song-i." His voice became cold so suddenly, it felt like ice fell on my skin.
"Calm down, Yoon."
He didn't reply. We looked at the little points passing by, like they had no direction. In reality, in their mind, they probably tried to solve some of their problems. Sometimes, a walk helped to clear your mind, while other times, the silence didn't let you walk away from your problems.
Looking at Yoongi, I realized he probably thinked about that girl named Song-i. I wondered if he just said a name without really thinking or if the name was real.
The silence gave me time to over analyze and think his words over and over again.
