philophobia | namsoo

xiv

"You first." We both said it at the same time.

Now it's your shot. Ask her to go out with you, date you. She probably likes you. Come on, don't be an idiot this time. Gather up courage and ask her if she loves you!

"Alright." I said. "I just have a simple question. Something you told your best friends that was a lie?"

I am such a coward.

"What's with this sudden question?"

"I was bored and wanted to go out. Might as well use that wish, right?"

"Alright. So, about me leaving my house. Only two friends know the real reason. Wanna be the third?"

"Doesn't sound bad. So, will you tell me?"

"Yeah. As long as you still talk with me after this."

"I promise."

"Don't promise, people can't keep their promises. So, the thing is, I..." She huffed, stopping in the middle of the sentence.

"You don't have to..."

"No. I have to tell you, really, I said I would tell you. And this might determine something for me."

She was making me really curious. "So, my parents are not that open minded. So, when they found out that I was dating a... huh."

Ouch. She likes girls? You don't have a chance, Kim Namjoon.

All the courage that I gathered up til then disappeared like snowflakes in water.

"...a girl, they weren't happy. I went to stay at Jennie's place. But you shouldn't tell anyone else about it, not even to your best friends."

"It's alright, I won't tell anyone. So, do you still like... girls...?"

"No. At least I haven't liked any since then. By the way, I have another question."

"Oh, great. Say it."

"Do you like me?"

I froze. I didn't know what to say to her. It meant that she either found out, or she liked me. But what if this relationship destroys our friendship?

"Me?" I chuckled. "No way. Why did you ask?"

"Because I like you. But it's alright. I won't ever bring up the subject."

So she did like boys after all.

I couldn't tell Jisoo I lied in that moment. I said no, and it should have been a no. I did what was the best and didn't regret it.

After I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened earlier, while we ate our ice cream.

"Because I like you... Oh, pabo! What an idiot I am! No, it's for the better. I should give her up, I can't like her. No, no, no."

"Joon, are you talking alone? I have great news!" Yoongi bursted into my room without knocking.

"What news?"

"Jisoo said she likes me."

So in that night, I could have had her. I could have dated Kim Jisoo. But now, hyung dated her and I couldn't do anything to get her back.

"And, do you like her?" I asked him.

"Of course. But you like her. If you tell me, I won't date her. You can date her. Just tell me now, before it's too late."

How did he know? I couldn't recall the moment in which I had told him that I liked her.

Come on, Joon, be selfish. Tell him you like her.

"I don't like her."