If Walls Could Talk (Adamtina)

Chapter 11

"I think I still love her"

Adam heard his mom's breath catch as she sat there and looked at him, her face filled with compassion.

"You do," she said under her breath. But it wasn't a question. It was a statement of agreement.

Adam felt his mouth turn downwards and tears sprung to his eyes.

"Oh Adam..." Patsy whispered, her hand reaching across the table to take his.

"I love her mom... I - I can't stop," he barely breathed as his voice cracked. The words unlocked the doors in the corners of his eyes and waiting tears began to quickly pass through.

Patsy clenched her fingers around her son's trembling hand.

"I know," she replied softly.

"I don't know what to do," he whispered, his voice as broken as his heart. More tears fell and he used his free hand to wipe them away. The couple that had been in the courtyard had long gone and Adam felt like it was a minor miracle they were alone. But even if they weren't, he didn't think he'd have been able to stop the tears that were now dripping down the sides of his face.

Patsy swallowed tightly and she sat there in silence as she stroked his hand. Adam knew she was just giving him space to let it all out at his pace. They'd had hard conversations before about other things, including the loss of Christina when she'd broken up with him. This is how it went. He talked and his mom listened. But this time he was almost at a total loss for words.

"I don't see how I can marry Claire while I feel like this," Adam mumbled through his wobbly voice. The truth of that sentence and the consequences it might bring devastated him and a sob suddenly erupted from his chest. He released his hand from his mom's and pressed the bottoms of his palms into his eyes as his face crumpled with pain.

Adam heard his mom get up from her chair and move quickly over to him. He stood up as she leaned down, accepting her embrace - needing it - and he let her wrap her arms tightly around him and hold him as he finally broke down. He reached his arms around his mom's back and held onto her as he cried, pressing his face into her shoulder to try and muffle the deep sobs that he was making. Now that he'd started he couldn't quite stop.

"Mom, I'm so sorry..." Adam whimpered as he let all the strength he'd grown into over the years fall away. He felt like a young boy again, a boy in serious trouble, who just needed his mom to help him.

"Oh, don't be sorry, what are you sorry for?" Patsy asked through her own tears.

Adam released himself from his mom's embrace and wiped his eyes, blowing out through his mouth as he tried to get himself together. He sat back down in his seat and his mom followed suit by pulling her chair over and sitting closer to him.

"I'm sorry for screwing everything up again," Adam whispered through shuddering breaths, the apology triggering more tears. He felt like he'd let her down again just like all the other times. No matter how hard he tried to do well, he seemed to make mistakes. The thought crushed him at his core.

His mom winced as she wiped her eyes. "Adam, no..." she replied, her voice horrified. "This is not your fault. This is just life... these things happen," she said softly.

Adam looked up at her, his face a portrait of pain. "Mom, I've got nearly two hundred people coming to watch me get married this weekend... most of them are flying in from God knows where." He shook his head a little at his own disbelief. He still couldn't quite believe this was even happening.

"So what?" Patsy replied quickly and firmly. "That's just details... You can't think about it that way."

Adam gave his mom a look like she wasn't being real.