Chapter 20

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As they lazed on the sofa and watched a movie together, their bodies respectfully and unbearably separate, Adam barely saw a thing. All he could think about were Christina's lips so close to his lips and the smell of her shampoo as she curled her little legs under her and chuckled at the funny parts. This idea of taking things slow was starting to make him feel worse - more confused, more pained - and he spent most of the time thinking about it as her little white sundress tortured the corners of his eyes. The spaghetti straps stared at him seductively, pleading to be slowly peeled down one-by-one. He wanted to touch her so badly, but right now he'd just settle for seeing her. It had been too fucking long since he'd seen her. There was such a long time when he'd truly believed he'd never get to see her that way again. The thought registered in his heart with a sharp pain.
"I might go and pick us up something for lunch."
Adam flinched at Christina's sudden statement as she clicked off the movie credits and turned to look at him. Feeling utterly shamed for the thoughts he'd just had about her, he looked at his watch and tried to focus. It was 1:14pm.
"What would you prefer?" Christina continued with a small smile.
Adam felt his throat clogging up as he blew through his mouth to get himself together. He was actually really hungry. "Do you want me to get it?" he asked, the gentleman in him taking over.
"That's okay," she replied as she ran her fingers through her hair and gave it a shake.
Oh God, why do you have to do that... you know your hair drives me fucking crazy.
"I actually have to drop back the dress I borrowed for the party last night because Candice's out of town, so I can just grab something while I'm out."
"I can drop your dress back," Adam offered, knowing that them going out together was probably a bad idea, but still feeling a little bad that she'd have to make all the effort while he just did nothing at home.
"You're so sweet," Christina couldn't help but say, the same way she often had when they were together, as she placed her hand on Adam's thigh and squeezed it affectionately.
Adam looked down at her hand, but she quickly removed it as a shade of red found her face. She stood up.
"I just think if you showed up with my dress, I don't know... it'd be a bit..."
"Obvious," Adam finished. That was true. Many publications still gossiped about their past relationship and the last thing they needed right now was the media anywhere near this.
"I'll go," Christina insisted as she reached for her bag. "If you don't mind staying here without me for a bit," she whispered shyly.
Adam glanced around at the house he spent over a year living in. "Well, I pretty much know where everything is, so it's your call whether you trust me here all by myself," he joked.
"Oh, well, I guess that includes my underwear drawer, so maybe I shouldn't leave you here alone," Christina retorted with a smirk as she pulled her keys out of her purse.
The temperature in the room suddenly shot to boiling point as Adam's mouth dropped open a little. Her face flushed scarlet as she looked back up at him.
Oh Christina, why did you have to say that?
And now all he could think about was her underwear. His eyes dropped down to her two breasts, so round and mouthwatering under that fucking white fabric, and he suddenly wondered if she was even wearing a bra.
Holy fuck... I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm going insane.
"Subway, is it okay?" Christina asked through a scratchy throat as she quickly backed into the hallway, her eyes glazing over as she pulled on her coat.
"S-sure..." Adam muttered, trying to stop himself from running after her so he could pick her up and wrap both her legs around him, pushing her dress up high over her thighs.
"Roast beef with - with salad, jalapeños and n-no carrot?" Christina's voice was becoming breathless as she hung in the hallway.
Adam's arousal was immediately matched by a sudden wash of deep affection as a smile eclipsed his face. She still remembered his order.
"Am I still that predictable?" he replied with a smirk, dimples deepening in his cheeks. But his smile told her that he actually was and that that's exactly what he wanted to eat.
"Got it," Christina said quickly as she turned and hurried out the door.
***
Adam felt like he was going to throw up right into his phone with every ring that sounded on the other end. He held his forehead in his hand as he sat in the same outdoor seat he was this morning.
"Hello." Claire's voice on the other end sounded so different he wasn't sure it was even her at first. The warmth and spark was gone. She sounded like a dead person would if they could speak.
Adam took a deep breath, his stomach in tight knots. "Hi," he said softly, his voice husky.
All she did was breathe into the phone, clearly waiting for him to speak.
Say something you dick - you called her.
Except Adam had no idea what the right thing to say was. To ask her how she was? To apologize again? Both options just seemed so lame right now.
"I just thought I should call you to - to touch base." Adam slapped his hand against his forehead and mentally kicked himself.
Touch base? You ASS.
He heard Claire scoff. "Well I don't know what about."
He sighed. So she'd told his mom she was pissed at him that he hadn't called her, but now that he was calling, she was pissy that he was calling. Maybe he should have just left it. His body felt weak and nauseous as he leaned forward in his seat to get more air.
"Are you... okay?" he asked softly. Fuck it. She obviously wasn't, but he needed to ask.
There were a few moments of silence before Claire took a breath. "I'm fucking fantastic, how about you?"
The sarcasm in her tone made Adam exhale heavily and he decided to change tack. There was no point in going down that road if this was how she was going to be.
"My... mom said you called some of the guests, and she's called the rest," he said softly. Claire just breathed on the other end. "And she - she said you called the organizer, so... thank you."
Thank you?
He didn't want to sound condescending, but he just didn't know what else to say.
Claire just breathed into the phone a bit more before he heard a small sniff. The sound pierced his heart at his core.
"Oh Claire -"
"Where are you?" She cut in suddenly, her voice cold and accusing.
"W-What?"
He waited, but all he heard were more of those damn breaths into the phone as she waited for his answer. "I'm - I'm at a hotel," Adam muttered.
The lie ripped right through his heart. He felt like such a fucking asshole. But right now the thought of telling her the truth just seemed so much crueler.
You should never have called her. You two should not be talking right now.
"Can I come and see you?" she asked, her voice wobbly but still tight.
Adam felt his mouth fall open. "Claire..." he replied, his voice barely a whisper. "I don't think that's a very good idea right now."
He heard her whimper and then breathe in hard like she was trying to calm herself down. "I just think we need some more time," Adam continued, his chest suddenly unable to breathe.
A lot more time.
He just sat there and listened to Claire sniffling before she exhaled sharply, like she was trying to get herself together.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked suddenly, and Adam could hear her blowing her nose.
"Tomorrow? Claire, I think we need a bit more time than -"
"I wasn't suggesting we fucking meet up," she cut in, cold and harsh. Adam felt taken aback. "Don't flatter yourself. I just asked what you were doing."
Adam swallowed tightly. He just wanted this conversation over. This was sickening and he felt cancerous with guilt. She sounded like a completely different person to the person he knew. He felt like he'd killed Claire.
"I-I don't know yet," he answered honestly. "Probably nothing."
"So you won't be with Christina then?"
Adam felt tears pressuring his eyes. At that moment he knew, deep down, that friendship with Claire was never going to possible. Not as long as he was with Christina. And, despite everything, in his heart he knew he wanted that to be for a very long time. Hearing Claire's voice again was as hard as hell but it had brought him no regrets.
"Claire, please... you don't need to do this." He answered, his voice thick with compassion.
But there was just silence on the other end. He dropped his forehead into his hand and exhaled heavily, knowing there was so much more they had to discuss but right now just wasn't the time. They rented a house together; shared furniture. They still had shit to sort out.
"We still need to talk about a lot of stuff," he said softly as he nervously pulled at tufts of his hair. "But we can do that later... Obviously I'll - I'll just stay away for now. The rent's paid up for the next few months anyway."
He heard a whimper from Claire before she steadied her breath again. "I don't want to live in that fucking house, Adam."
He just nodded sadly as tears began to spill down his cheeks.
Of course she doesn't.
"Okay," he replied lamely, feeling completely fucking pathetic and powerless to help her. "Well, I guess I should go..." he said dejectedly, not knowing what else to say. Plus they'd done all their talking yesterday. They'd covered it all when she'd screamed at him for hours, and there was little left to say.
"You didn't ask me what I was doing tomorrow," Claire quickly replied, her voice flat and icy.
"What?"
"I asked you what you were doing; you didn't ask what I was doing. That's kind of rude."
Uh? Adam felt his brow furrow with slight confusion as he stared straight ahead.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked softly, playing along. It was meant to be their wedding date, after all. Perhaps he should have asked.
Adam barely took a breath before her words cut back in, cold and slicing. "I'm going to Palm Springs with Ben."
The shock of Claire's reply nearly blew Adam back into his chair.
Ben Joyce? What?
He just sat there processing the answer he'd least expected as Claire sat in silence on the other end, clearly waiting for his response.
"Okay," he just said flatly, suddenly feeling a burst of anger rush through him at her obvious attempt to make him jealous. He knew he should have been a lot more understanding given the situation, but he felt like it was kind of a cheap shot.
Claire breathed into the phone. "He's presenting some food at a last-minute VIP event and he asked me if I wanted to go."
"Okay," Adam repeated, his mouth tight.
"He felt sorry for me."
Adam took his turn to just breathe into the phone.
"He's really been there for me, you know, he came and picked me up last night after you left... He let me crash over."
Adam felt rage bubbling up inside his chest, but not so much from jealously, but from Claire's tactics. She was clearly deliberately trying to hurt him.
"Okay." He tried to keep his voice deadpan, refusing to take the bait.
"Well... don't you even give a fuck?" Claire's voice was starting to become hysterical again.
"Claire, I - I really don't think there's any point to this, I - I have to go," Adam said wearily, suddenly just wanting out of the conversation.
"No, you don't, Adam, you don't get to just come and go whenever you fucking like!"Claire's voice was rising in pitch and volume at breakneck speed, exactly the same way it had last night before things turned really bad.
Adam started to shake. "Claire, please..."
But she was already attacking him, her voice exploding with furor. "You don't call me all night... you fucking ignore my texts... you probably spent the whole night fucking that little piece of scum -"
"CLAIRE!" Adam was surprised at how loud he shouted as he stood up out of his seat.
"I'm hanging up now and I'm not going to talk to you until you fucking calm down."
And before he could stop himself he pressed 'end' on his phone and fell back down into the seat, his heart pumping hard and his eyes bleeding with tears.
He shouldn't have called.
****************
Christina couldn't understand how Adam's mood could have changed so much since she'd left, and the tension he was subtly emitting made her sick to her stomach.
One minute she had to rush out the door because she made a stupid underwear comment that had obviously made him feel awkward, and now they were nibbling on Subway sandwiches on adjacent sofas and Adam was barely speaking.
"I'm surprised Subway hasn't asked us to become ambassadors yet," Christina joked, trying to fish out what might be wrong.
But Adam just chuckled softly as he swallowed his last bite, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
Just ask him, Christina. It's Adam.
"Is - is everything okay?" Christina asked softly.
He looked back up at her. And then he just blurted it out of nowhere. "I called Claire while you were out."
Christina felt everything inside her collapse to the ground as her eyes locked to his.
"Oh... Okay." She could hear that she sounded a little bit shocked and she wished she didn't. Of course he was going to still speak to Claire - and see her - and she knew she had no right to interfere in that at all. She tried to swallow the tomato that was lodged in the back of her throat and looked down.
Well, what do I say to that?
The jealousy that spread through her body felt malignant. She'd tolerated Claire for so long, accepted her, but now that Adam was here, now that he had slept in her bed, been close with her, the thought of Claire being anywhere near him or his heart filled her with burning jealousy. But she knew she just didn't have a right to feel that way, so she just sat there and let the sense of helplessness she felt take its bite out of her heart. After a couple of moments, she looked back up at Adam who was staring back at her.
"Christina..." he said as he looked directly at her, as if he knew what she was thinking.
She gulped hard. The way he was looking at her...
"Yes?" she whispered softly, trying so hard to stay strong and not reveal how she felt, but finding it so hard. It was just so hard to feel like the other woman.
"Chris... you have nothing to worry about," Adam said softly as he leaned forward and placed his hand on hers.
Christina's heart squeezed tightly as she turned her hand around to meet his palm with hers, curling her fingers around his and letting the feeling of their connecting skin surge through her body like a tidal wave. The look on his face told her the touch had the same effect on him.
"H-how did it go?" she asked softly, not even sure if she should ask.
Adam swallowed tightly and looked down, keeping her hand in his. "Not great I guess," he said softly. "But that's not really a surprise."
"Do you miss her?" Christina heard the words escape her mouth before she could veto them.
Oh, what a stupid thing to ask. You're crossing lines, Christina.
But she just couldn't help it. She just loved him so much; she wanted him so much. She looked up at Adam who was staring ahead, clearly uncomfortable.
"No, don't worry," Christina said quickly. "Forget I asked that."
"Claire and I..." Adam said softly. "We've got stuff to sort out. Technical stuff, like the house. So... we're going to have to talk."
Christina looked back at him, feeling fearful that she was pushing him unfairly. "No it's okay... I totally get it... You can talk to her, of course you can, I mean, like you even need my permission... you can - you can miss her, Adam. Of course you miss her."
Just shut up, Christina, you don't have the right to talk to him about how he feels about Claire.
Adam took a deep breath and a moment of silence passed between them before he cleared his throat.
"She told me this guy, this friend of hers, has been looking after her."
Christina could feel the lines cross her brow. She just shook her head a little at Adam to say she was confused.
Adam just looked at his lap as he continued. "He's this... I don't know, hot chef dude she knows, and I've always thought he had the hots for her."
Oh, why is he telling me this? Christina suddenly felt cold, stale tomato rising up inside her throat as her face turned pale.
"A few days ago, Claire told me she wanted to set you up with him," Adam continued as his eyes rose to meet Christina's. She could hear his breath tight. "And do you know I felt more jealous about that, than I did today when she told me she was with him?"

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