If Walls Could Talk (Adamtina)

Chapter 24

Previously:
"I got a call from Claire today. While you were in the shower." He said it gently but matter-of-factly as he took a long swig of wine.
"Oh?" Christina breathed, her voice falling to a faint whisper as she took a deep breath. She felt a sudden explosion of pain shoot across her chest that she tried to suppress.
"I just wanted to tell you, because I - because I really don't want there to be any secrets between us," Adam finished, his voice a little tight as he cleared his throat.
Christina felt her head nodding as she began nervously fingering the label on her bottle of San Pellegrino. She didn't really know what to say. She didn't want secrets between them either, but Claire was obviously going to be in touch with him now and then, and she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know every time that happened. But she also knew that Adam had just been through hell, and she still needed to be a friend to him above all other things - especially on a day like today.
She wanted to ask what they said to each other, but she was worried that that might be inappropriate, so instead she just whispered, "Are - are you okay?" She looked back at Adam but he was just staring ahead in the distance, his breath deepening.
"Yeah," he finally answered, the word conveying a commitment that didn't quite register in his voice. He swallowed tightly. "She was actually really sweet, which kind of surprised me, given... you know, how she's been lately. She, uh, apologized for some stuff she said yesterday, and I - I think she just wanted to, I don't know, have some contact today and just let me know she was okay."
He called her sweet.
Tears taunted Christina's eyes as she just sat there mute, her heart feeling like it was being put through a vice. Adam obviously took her silence as a cue to keep talking, so he continued, every word sending her fragile heart closer to the edge of a bottomless abyss.
"She did end up going to Palm Springs, and I'm - I'm glad she did that actually, I'm glad she's okay... I was worried that she'd be sitting there on her own, like, feeling like -"
" - Adam," Christina suddenly cut in, the urgency in her tone causing him to look back at her with surprise. She wanted to delete the fear and hurting from her eyes, but she knew that to attempt that in front of someone who knew her so well would be pointless. "I'm sorry," she said tightly as Adam's kind face became instantly shadowed with worry. "I know you need to talk to Claire and stuff, and I know I don't really have a right to say any of this, and I - I still need to, I don't know, redeem myself or something before I make any kind of demands, but I just..." Christina's eyes fell down to the scrap of fish bones on her plate. "I just don't think I can talk about Claire with you... is that okay? I'm so sorry... I really am." she braved herself to look back up at Adam who was staring back at her, his face surprised.
Christina felt herself turning as red as the wine in her glass as she quickly reached for it, but Adam stopped her movement with his hand as he gently grabbed her wrist, breaking their no physical contact in public rule. "Sorry," he said softly as his eyes held hers. "I should have thought... I just want us to be honest with each other."
Christina placed her other hand over his and squeezed his fingers in hers for just a moment. "I know," she replied under her breath, their hands reluctantly pulling apart at the same time before they could get caught out by a neighboring table. "I want that too... just like we've always had," she reassured. "But even in the past, we never really used to talk to each other about, like, 'other' people, remember?" she said gently. She didn't know if she could live in a world where Adam called Claire 'sweet' every other day, knowing what she'd meant to him for so long. She felt immature and possessive, but the very thought of it make her want to puke into her plate.
Adam just nodded a little as his mind flicked back to their past conversations. "True," he answered as he poked at his last bit of pasta with his fork. Christina just sat there and watched him eat, suddenly feeling her appetite waning. She drank some more wine, guilt fermenting in her chest about the fact that Adam had left Claire for her just days before, and she was already putting the hard word on him to not even talk about it.
And today was their wedding. Show some freaking compassion.
She leaned forward closer to Adam, her movement triggering him to look back at her. "But I know that this is different," she said softly. "And I'm trying... I really am. Forget I said anything... I - I want you to be able to talk to me about it, if you need to."
Adam looked back at her, his cheeks flushing with affection as they both felt electricity charging the small space between them. "No, it's cool," he said gently. "I guess it's true that I don't really want to hear anything about anyone you've been with, so I can't really expect you to want to talk about her either."
Christina felt her whole body soften. She gave him a small smile and returned to her fish, wondering if she'd done the right thing, as Adam took a swig of San Pellegrino.
"So, tell me..." his voice came out huskily as Christina placed her knife and fork together on her plate, reaching for her napkin. She looked back at him. "H-how come you didn't date anyone else while we were apart?" Adam asked quickly and apprehensively, his eyes blinking back at her.
Christina glanced back at him in surprise, her napkin freezing against the corner of her mouth.
What? B-but, I did... I dated Pascal for a few months and... and that older guy Patrick, although that didn't really go for more than a few dates.
"What?" Christina asked under her breath.
Adam cleared his throat as he leaned back in his seat. "I'm just wondering why no one.... came along." The vulnerable look he was giving her was that of a man who suspected that maybe he was the reason that she'd been alone the entire time, and he wanted to hear her say it out loud.
Except that she hadn't been alone the entire time.
Neither of the two men she'd dated while she and Adam were apart had made nearly the amount of impact that he had, but she hadn't exactly been celibate the entire time either. They were separated for years and of course things happened in between, especially after he met Claire.
"I just want us to be honest with each other."
The heartfelt words he'd only just declared chimed in Christina's ears.
"Well, they - they did," she whispered.
"Did what?" Adam asked. Christina couldn't bring herself to look at him but she could see his brow already furrowing out of the corner of her eye.
"They came along," She replied, her throat tense as she blurted out the truth. "Two. I dated two people while we were apart."
Christina took a moment before she dared to look back at Adam. He was just staring back at her, his mouth slightly open.
"You did?" he asked, his face trying to appear cool, but his eyes unable to hide that she had genuinely shocked him. Christina just nodded gently, not knowing what else to say. She looked down at her lap.
"Who?" he asked, his voice rising a little as Christina began shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She swallowed hard. She knew Adam knew who Pascal was. He was a huge television star and a Broadway star too. "They were, hm,... P-Pascal... and a guy called Patrick, you don't know him, he's an art dealer," Christina replied, her voice wavering slightly.
"Pascal? Like in Adam Pascal?" Adam's face curled into a frown as Christina felt her heart begin to pound. She'd dated Pascal for a few months when Adam had first hooked up with Claire and they'd barely spoken. Later on, she'd come to realize that her attempt to manufacture something with the Broadway heartthrob when there was clearly little between them was mostly her reaction to that. She'd never told Adam, because the relationship had died out before she started spending time with him again. After that, it just never felt like a good time to bring it up.
Christina just nodded back at him, trying to keep her vibe relaxed in the hope that he would follow suit. "And Patrick," she finished awkwardly, trying to shift his focus away from a face that he knew, which in her experience, was like fuel for jealousy.
Adam just nodded back at Christina a little strangely, before he downed the last of his wine and cleared his throat. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice coming out more strained than he clearly wanted it to.
Maybe this is good that this is all coming out now.
Christina sighed deeply. "I didn't deliberately keep it from you," she replied as she anxiously twisted her fingers together. "I dated both of them for a really short time when you - when you met Claire and we went through that time where we didn't really speak. After that, it, I don't know... it just never came up."
Adam nodded, but he did so with a face that advertised he didn't really agree with her decision. "Right," he answered, his throat tight.
"Adam..." Christina breathed as she leaned across the table, resting her hand lightly on his. But he didn't curl his fingers around hers this time. He just sat there. "We were separated for years," Christina said under her breath.
"I know, I get it," he replied quickly, as his hand stayed frozen solid under hers. "I'd be a dumbass to think someone like you wouldn't have anyone... I just didn't know, so you took me by surprise, that's all." He swiftly lifted his hand up that was under Christina's to take a sip of water, cueing her to release her hand from his. The hard movement surprised her as the atmosphere cooled a little.
Christina, fix this.
"Neither of them was anything serious," Christina said softly, even though when she'd first met Pascal she had thought for the blink of an eye that maybe it could have become something more. But the moment she'd seen Adam again back then, even though he was with Claire, had been all she'd needed to realize that Pascal would never pass through the steel walls of her heart, when Adam just sailed right through them like air.
"It's cool," Adam replied, his voice becoming more tense. He swallowed hard and fingered something on the edge of his plate. "Although if they weren't serious, I guess that means you weren't, like, with them, then."
Christina nearly dropped her glass.
Is he seriously asking me if I had sex with those guys?
"What?" Christina mumbled, feeling lines crossing her brow as she chuckled awkwardly. She really hoped he was joking.
"Did you?" Adam blurted the inappropriate yet entirely serious question as Christina looked up and found him staring right at her, his blinking eyes demanding an answer.
Oh god.
"Adam, please!"
His face was instantly shadowed with a frown and he looked down as he nodded to himself. "Well, judging by that response, I'm guessing you did."
"Well, of course I did," Christina replied under her breath, glancing around to make sure no one was watching them. "I was dating those guys... Just like you were dating Claire." She felt something hard lodge in the back of her throat, her chest pounding against it.
For a moment they just sat there, looking anywhere but at each other as tension surged up between them like a tidal wave. After a few moments of painful silence, Christina braved herself to look back at Adam and her heart pinched hard when she saw how disappointed he looked as he gazed down at his plate. He was literally starting to turn white.
"Adam..." she said urgently, needing to take the focus away from what he must have been imagining. She'd always him to be the jealous type, and he had a tendency to over-think things, to imagine too much. Christina fought to find words but they had all deserted her along with her confidence as Adam suddenly sat up in his seat and breathed deeply.
"You know, I don't know if I should be, but I'm - I'm actually really surprised you lied to me about it."
Christina felt her face wince. "I didn't lie to you, I just - I didn't tell you. And what do you mean you don't know if you should be surprised?"
"Well, you - you didn't tell me Claire came to see you the other day either. That was kind of a big thing to leave out, don't you think?" Adam's sudden and bizarre statement cut in cold and hard, like a sharp knife dissecting the air between them.
"Sorry?" Christina asked, feeling herself becoming dizzy at the sudden interrogation.
"The day I came over - the day we - we kissed." Adam cleared his throat as he tried to keep his face as stoic as he could. "Claire told me she came over and saw you, and you never told me." Adam cleared his throat as he looked back at her, his face accusing her of a crime she wasn't sure if she should be guilty of. Christina felt like she was suddenly on trial and Adam was the prosecutor.
"I was going to," Christina replied sincerely. "A lot has been going on, okay? Sorry if I'm not doing everything by your timeline." She breathed deeply, reminding herself that they were in a public restaurant.
"Well, all I'm saying is I had to hear it from Claire, so, you know..."
"You know what?" Christina asked, frustration mounting in her voice. But Adam just stayed silent, his face terse.
Okay, I can't do this... I can't be compared to Claire.
Christina suddenly turned in her seat to catch the eye of the waiter and made the universal symbol for the check.
Adam changed tack as he pressed her. "I just can't but help wondering what else you're keeping from me," he said, his face tight with emotion.
Christina flicked her head up with a flinch. "What does that mean?"
"I'm saying it's kind of hard to be with someone you don't trust."
Christina felt her mouth fall open with shock.
Who are you and what the hell did you do with Adam?
"What? Are you saying you - you don't trust me?"
"Well, you're not exactly making it easy." Adam's face was hard and pained.
"Well, what do you want me to say? Sorry I'm not fucking perfect like Claire? What?"
Adam's face creased with frustration. "How do you think it makes me feel when I find out you've been with other guys since me? How do you think, Christina, after everything?"
I knew that's what this is about.
"What did you think was going to happen?" Christina snapped back, their voices tight and whispered as they leaned into each other and tried to stay discreet. "We weren't together when I was with them."
"Because you didn't want to be," Adam replied, his voice wavering. "Not me."
"But you were with Claire!" Christina pleaded. "And for a lot longer than I was with anyone."
"Because I didn't have a choice, Christina!"
"There's always a choice!" Christina almost shouted, dropping her overwhelmed forehead into her hands just as the waiter returned with the bill. She breathed heavily into her wrists as she heard Adam thank him and sign for it, before the waiter scurried off again.
They just sat there breathing silently for a few moments, tension suffocating the air.