Adam's fingers tapped on the steering wheel to the aggressive beats of Dave Grohl. The casual observer might have picked him as a man in a good mood as he drove down Sunset Boulevard towards Pacific Palisades, Claire's long legs stretched out from the seat beside him. But while Adam's drummer hands pounded along to the rhythms by force of habit, his face as deceivingly fresh as the morning outside, what was going on inside his mind was anything but calm.
The ghosts of Christina's heartfelt words, her broken face, the magnetic pull of her hand in his, had haunted his mind ever since she left his house yesterday. In what felt like a miracle, Claire hadn't pushed him any further about Christina's visit before she'd crawled into bed with her escalating migraine. She'd obviously completely bought Christina's story, and the thought of that made Adam want to burst into tears. In a year of dating her he'd never lied to Claire about anything, and now over the past three days he'd kicked off this uninvited new trend with some of the biggest of his life.
He felt deplorable; stained in deceit that wouldn't wash off. He'd crawled into bed early last night next to a sleeping Claire ready to face the tortured hours of wakefulness that lay ahead but, miraculously, he'd passed out a lot quicker than he thought he would and slept through the night. He was just so fucking tired and his mental exhaustion had manifested itself into the physical. And those nine hours of sleep had turned out to be just what he needed to face the wedding rehearsal they had scheduled for this morning. Claire had taken the morning off work for it and their wedding party and those taking part in the readings were meeting them at the church to practice for the big day ahead.
Adam felt the remnants of the scrambled eggs he'd just picked at swirl in his stomach as he tried to focus on the road as The Foo Fighters sang about fractured love. He felt partially numb and completely lost. He knew the thoughts he was having about his wedding were far from normal, but, at the same time, he wasn't moving to do anything about them. He was just going through the motions, doing what his diary told him to do that day as if nothing was wrong. As if nothing had changed. It was a form of denial.
As Adam turned onto the next road he knew he was meant to be reciting some of his basic wedding vows in his head, which he was supposed to memorize yesterday. But instead other words circled in his mind:
I don't think I ever really got over you, in fact... I know I didn't. I think I've been lying to myself for a long time.
I know that now... I'd be different, I swear.
Not 'says', Adam,... IS.
Adam's heart ached as he rewound and repeated Christina's declarations over and over in his mind like lines of a favorite song.
Her voice. Saying those sorts of things to him. He missed it. He missed her.
"Hey, I was thinking..." Claire's voice cut through Adam's thoughts like a blade, causing him to swerve on the road slightly.
She turned the volume down on the music as Adam kept his eyes pinned to the road. "Hmm?" he mumbled as yet another wave of guilt crashed through him.
"I think I've got someone for Christina."
A small swerve again.
"Jeez, honey, did you put some whiskey in your coffee this morning?" Claire joked, referring to his driving as he caught her smirking at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Sorry," Adam mumbled with a small, strained smile.
What the fuck did she just say about Christina?
He heard Claire swallow audibly as she turned to look back at the road.
"Christina's single, right?" She asked, her voice impassive, giving nothing away.
