That smile he shows just for me

Chapter two

The days just seem to be blurring together at this point. I don't know what day it is until someone announces it. Crazy isn't it? We're so far into our own world we don't realize that time is going by.
Maybe I need to catch up on sleep. I say this as it's 3:00am, like I'm going to actually sleep.
I roll onto my side and listen as the wind hits against my window. When I was a kid, I used to think someone was trying to brake in. Then I got older and I realized, it really was just the wind.
I look over to Justin. He's sound asleep, snoring lightly. He has a big game on Friday. His coach is pushing the team so they can win. Wednesday's are pretty boring. Nothing will go on tomorrow. Maybe Lukas will talk to me again. I sound so pathetic but who cares.
Morning came faster than I would have liked. My eyes were open when Justin's alarm went off. He got up, looked over to me and scrunched his eyebrows together but doesn't say anything.
I lay for a few more minutes till I decide I should probably get up. My eyes burn and my throat is dry. After getting ready I walk outside, seeing mom on the porch, smoking a cigarette. Kissing her head softly, I skate off to school. I don't think she noticed me.
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Walking down the halls, I felt a pair of eyes on my back. I looked around and noticed Lukas. He smiles and tilts his head away from me.
When I tell you I'm blushing I mean tomato fucking red.
I walk into English and sit in the back. I continue on with my day per usual.
Lunch time once again rolls around and I'm washing my hands in the bathroom, when mike of all people walks in.
"Hey faggot."
"Nice greeting." I smirk
He grabs my shirt and pushes me into the wall. "You think you're so powerful huh? Think you're so special? You are nothing." He seethes in my face.
I am nothing.
Three words that stick in my head even as the day ends and I'm skating home.
Even as I sit down with a bowl of pasta, deciding I'm better off without eating tonight.
You can hear my brother and his girlfriend in our room, laughing. I decide it would be better if I took a walk.
It's about 7:00pm. Chilly and dark. But I like it like this.
I look around at the other houses. The cars on the street. The bare trees.
I walk to the park.
Sitting on the bench, I think of something that I think of a lot.
If I were to disappear, would anyone care?
My brother? Probably not. He will be leaving with his girlfriend after school ends. Starting his new, better life. One where I won't fuck everything up.
My mom is too far gone to even notice if I left. Un medicated schizophrenic. Past drug addict.
But, as the night gets colder, I decide that tonight isn't the night. So I walk home and sleep on the couch that night.