That smile he shows just for me

Chapter 19

We just lay there for awhile. Nothing needs to be said.
Somehow, we always end up laying in my bed.
I smile at that. Lukas looks over to me and smiles, putting his hand on my face.
"Are you ok?"
I nod.
"Tomorrow's Friday. Are you gonna go to school?"
"I don't know."
"Did something happen? At school I mean." He asks carefully.
"Yeah."
Silence.
"Is someone picking on you?"
"Kindove."
"I'll protect you." He smiles at me.
I chuckle. "I know you would."
"Me and you ok?"
"Ok."
-
Later that night, Justin and I are sitting at the table, my dinner untouched.
"You have to eat something." He points to my plate.
"I'm not hungry."
"You have to be. I haven't seen you eat in like a week."
"I'd be dead if I didn't eat for a week." I grin up at him.
"You know what I mean."
I look back down to my food and shrug.
An uncomfortable silence passes.
"So." He clears his throat. "I think you need to tell-"
"No way!" I look up at him. "It'll only make things worse." I look back down. "Besides, there's no proof. They wouldn't believe me."
"Well he can't just get away with it."
"He already has."
Silence again.
"I can't go back there." I whisper.
"I know."
-
I didn't eat dinner. I walk into the bathroom around midnight and take off my clothes, staring at my body in the mirror.
"Disgusting."
I run my hands along my shoulder blades, down to my stomach.
"Why am I so fat?" Frustrated with myself, I get a shower and scrub any humiliation away.
Laying in bed, I look over to Justin who is already fast asleep. He has a game tomorrow. I wonder how he's doing.
I'm so selfish. I take up so much time. I'm too much to handle. Justin shouldn't have to deal with my shit. And Lukas. He doesn't need me in his life. I'll only bring him down.
Further into the whole I've created for myself.
I just keep messing up.
I want to leave. I want to leave so bad.
A sickening thought came to my mind. What would happen to me when I evidently go back to school? Mikes gunna be pissed I left. Hell probably go harder on me when I get back.
I rush out of bed and into the bathroom, throwing up into the toilet.
I'm fucked.