That smile he shows just for me

Chapter seven

I didn't wake up that morning. I woke up at 2:00pm to an empty house.
My brother will be home by three. I missed school.
Today, I can't get out of bed. I don't want to. I just want to sleep. So I do.
And when the downstairs door opens and closes, I stay where I am.
My brother doesn't check up on me that night. Which I don't mind.
I want to be alone.
Tonight I won't be able to sleep. So I lay in bed, staring at my ceiling.
I think of a lot of things during one of these episodes.
Right now I am thinking of all the fights I've had. Whether it be with my mom, brother, dad when he was around. Kids at school. Random people on the street.
I think of everything I said. And everything I didn't say.
A lot could have been different. But this is how life turned out. I scare people away. I'm hard to love. Hard to get along with.
And that sucks.
Then I think of Lukas.
He talks to me. He said he felt a certain type of way when he was with me. And it's a good feeling.
We almost kissed that one day. And what if we had? Would he regret it?
What if he gets to know me and hates me? Hates who I am. Hates who I was and hates who I will become.
I don't want him to hate me.
I shift my body to the other side of the bed.
He said he wanted to hang out with me. I wonder if he noticed I wasn't in school. Probably not. Nobody notices me.
Thoughts can take over a persons mind. I put on Rex Orange County to drown them out.
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Noon rolls around and my phone starts ringing. I didn't go to school again today.
Reaching for my phone, it's Lukas.
"Hello?"
"Hey it's me Lukas."
"I know it's you." I smile.
"Why weren't you at school yesterday? And are you here today? I haven't seen you yet."
So he did notice.
"No I'm at home. Not feeling well I guess." Not necessarily a lie. Just mentally ill.
"Oh I'm sorry. I could bring you medicine or soup or something? I have to say I make one hell of a chicken noodle soup." He laughs on the other end.
"You don't have to I'll be ok."
"Mmm too bad I'll do it anyway. Text me your address."
Laughing I say "ok."
We hang up and I give him my address. He's a stubborn man. But I appreciate it.
About twenty minutes later there's a knock on the door. I get up with much effort and open the door. There stands Lukas with a big smile and what I'm assuming is his famous soup.
"Hey. Is that the famous chicken noodle soup?" I laugh.
"It certainly is. Hey what happened to your eye?"
I let him in, closing the door. "I kindove got in a fight." Also not a complete lie.
It was just one sided.
"You need to ice that. It's gunna get really bad if you don't."
I walk him into the kitchen and put the soup in the fridge.
"Where's an ice pack?" He says.
"Probably in the freezer." I say pointing to it. "But it's seriously fine. My eye is fine."
He looks at me as if to say shut up I don't take no for an answer.
Getting out an ice pack, he wraps it in a paper towel. "Here. Hold this on your eye and go lay down."
"Ok dad." I roll my eyes.
Leading him to my room, I sit on the bed.
He looks around my room in amazement. "Holy shit. Did you do all these?" He asks, pointing to my various 3am paintings.
"Yeah."
"They're so cool. You're good at photography and painting? Is there anything you can't do?" He jokes, taking a seat beside me on the bed.
"Literally anything else." I laugh.
"I like your laugh." He says out of no where.
"I like your smile."