That smile he shows just for me

Chapter 22

Lukas stayed home with me.
I told him I'd be ok on my own but he refused to leave my side.
"I don't want to go to math anyways."
I love being with him. But I realized that when I'm around someone who watches my every move, you have to eat.
And I really don't want to fucking eat.
But it's been awhile and I know Lukas is getting suspicious.
So when we both sit down with our own bowls of cereal, I eat it.
I told myself I was only going to eat a bit.
Just enough to get him off my back.
But once I started I couldn't stop.
And I ate the whole bowl.
And I feel so guilty.
I stare at my empty bowl.
"You must've been hungry." Lukas smiles at me.
I can't do this.
"I have to piss I'll be back."
And I hurry to the bathroom. I now it's not going to be quiet but I need to do this.
So I turn the sink on and sit in front of the toilet.
And well, throw up everything that was in my stomach.
But Lukas heard.
"Gray? Open up. Are you sick?"
I flush and rinse my mouth out. Then open the door.
"Yeah I'm not feeling to well."
But he looks at me odd. Like he knows. But he doesn't say anything.
Instead he takes me to bed and we cuddle.
-
Hours pass and we lay still. Me playing with his fingers absentmindedly.
"Gray?"
"Hm?"
I look up at him
"Did you make yourself throw up today?"
"What? No of course not. Why would you think that?" I sit up and he follows.
"I worry about you."
"I'm fine."
He rolls his eyes. Knowing damn well I'm not.
"You're so beautiful." He frowns.
"No I'm not."
He grabs my face and tilts my head up. "I've never seen someone as stunning as you Grayson."
-
Lukas had to go home. Though he fought to stay. And of course I wanted him here but I understand.
"Eat something for me?" He asks innocently.
He knows.
"Yeah" I roll my eyes.
-
My brothers been acting weird.
If I enter the room, he leaves.
He doesn't meet my eyes anymore.
Is he mad at me? Disgusted? Disappointed maybe?
I have no idea but I hate it.
-
Later that night, I sit myself down with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, determined to eat it.
But the longer I stare at it, the more sick I feel.
I can practically taste the bile rushing up my throat already.
So I put it in the fridge and tell myself I'll eat it tomorrow.
But of course I don't.