Maria and I

dear maria 19

Dear beloved Maria,

It happened again.

Another human's smell.

Its your fault.

I should have known. I thought as I stared distastefully in front of the mirror, I can feel the blood rushing inside my nails as I yanked the belt even tighter around my neck. Oxygen got less and I held back another chocking motion. It had lessen from the last few times.

Die.

It snapped then - unfortunately. I watched the reflection as the material that clung around my neck fell from their position. For a moment, I did nothing.

He grabbed me forcefully, his eyes unusually redshot. Those eyes couldn't be trusted.

I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE

I roared and sank my teeth into my finger then, watching as my veins turned blue black under my gaze. Tasting my own flesh, waiting for blood. I wasn't satisfied.

I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE

I smoothened my hamster pyjamas and fixed my hair. Then i saw it. I grabbed the a pair of scissors from the pencil holder where other sharp ended metal shone proudly. "Aww...aren't you adorable?"

He forced my face into his, an arm curved dominantly around my waist, pulling me even closer.

"I hate it." I growled, running the blade across my stomach. "But... I can't..." I lifted the blade, and frowned, in my usual innocent, naive way. The way I had created to fit into the society.

You want to kill.

"Because I hate, Because i hate ,Because I hate, beacuse I hate, because I hate, beacause I hate..." I muttered, then swirled around and slashed the bag hanging on the wall, again and again and again muttering, "I hate i hate I hate I hate."

By the time it was done, everything had splattered across the floor. Only a hook layed in the wall.

You need to do it.

"Can I?" I grinned crazily into the mirror and watched as my usual careful expression etched into a demonic look, almost deformed, fangs bared, hair raised, eyes misty and yet burning with madness. A perfect picture of evil.

YOU COULD. YOU SHOULD. YOU NEED TO. YOU WOULD. OR ELSE...

"You're weak." those words came to be like a slap across my face. She was right. I needed her. I needed her strength. She'd do eveything right.

But i still had to fit in. I had to be careful. My alternate personality had grown again. and I wasn't sure I could hold it in much longer. She had the nerve to growl in public and shoot hateful glances. If it weren't for me, this would never have seen by Maria.

You stupid little bitch, its only because of you, people take advantage. If anything, you should be disposed off. We HATE THEM and you KNOW it.

My eyes dimmed. The headache was back again. Pounding soundly through my head, ringing loudly in my ears. I growled and stopped. See?

I pulled back my drawers and studied the empty packets of panadols, then sighed deeply.

Its a wonder how I had not gotten an overdose yet. It really is unfair, Maria. To have high bodily immunity. In my whole 18 years, I had only gotten a fever once. And it was only because I wanted it. It hardly hurts after a while- cuts - i mean. The scar on my elbow from sliding across the jagged road surface, the time when i had my finger smashed between the car door. I had only watched amusingly as my a piece of my flesh peeled off, exposing the circulatory system we'd always studied with interest in biology class. I even joked about it. I'd be lying if i said it hadn't hurt or that i hadn't shed some tears.

We're only mortals after all. Its reflex. But she kicked in then.

My alternate personality. She's the evil side of me, Maria. She's beautiful, usually my eyes and lips get redder from the faster rate of blood flow. Perfect. Merciless and a sociopath.

She's on the right side. I'm the left.

But its funny how...I'm the one who has murdered before and not her.

She's a defense mechanism. and she's closer than anyone else thinks.

And now all i can hear is I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE KILL KILL KILL KILL KILLL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.

But its alright Maria, I'm fine.

Yours Always, The imprisoned princess