I Miss You • Woosan

Aching Hearts

More days had passed and San was more confused than ever at Wooyoung.

Wooyoung was still avoiding talking to San, and now instead of leaving the room if San came in Wooyoung would stay put.

Wooyoung would advert his gaze when he knew San was looking, but when San was distracted Wooyoung's eyes would focus  in on San, like a lion watching its prey.

Wooyoung thought that San wouldn't notice, but he did.

San would watch out the corner of his eye as Wooyoung drilled holes into the side of San's conscience. But then every time San would look at Wooyoung, Wooyoung would snap his head elsewhere.

It was like a strange game of ping pong where you could only look at the ball if the other player wasn't looking.

San also still wondered  how he'd gotten back to his bed the other night as he couldn't for the life of himself remember walking to his bed and tucking himself in so tightly.

He liked to imagine that Wooyoung had swept him in his arms and carried him, but he thought that that idea was too farfetched, too absurd to be reality (little did he know!).

"I probably slept walked . . probably . . "  he'd finally settled on.

-*-*-*-

San was reaching the end of his tether with Wooyoung as he watched him yet again refuse to come back with the rest of the team from the studio, exclaiming that he wanted to do extra practice.

San had overhead Hongjoong telling Wooyoung that he was already doing perfectly and that he deserved a break, but Wooyoung had said that "There are no breaks in perfection!" and once again there was one empty space in the bus where Wooyoung used to sit.

San was annoyed and worried for Wooyoung. He would stay back at the studio after they'd finished group sessions and return to the dorm covered in sweat, exhausted, or even come back so late San didn't even see him at all.

He could see that Wooyoung was pushing himself too hard with all the extra work and time he was spending back at the dance studio.

He still didn't know for sure if it was the kiss that had bothered Wooyoung or maybe Wooyoung was actually finally sick of San.

San truly couldn't come up with a concrete reason for Wooyoung's behaviour and he was at a loss on how to get things back to how they used to be when they were close and told each other everything.

San hated this distance and he hated that he couldn't make him stop.

He missed his best friend, they were a team. San needed to try to fix this rift that had formed because Wooyoung didn’t seem to want to. Not just for them but for Ateez.


-*-*-*-

All the boys were back at the dorm except Wooyoung whom had once again stayed back in the studio for his own self practice.

San glanced at the clock

10.36pm

San couldn't wait any longer.

He'd been bopping his leg up and down ever since they'd gotten home and was tapping his chopsticks nervously on the table so much so that Hongjoong had placed a hand over San's motioning him to stop.

San sprung up like a rocket from where he was sitting next to Yunho on the couch startling him.

"I'll be back" San told Hongjoong as he walked past him to the door. Hongjoong nodded and smiled knowing exactly where San would be going at this late hour.

San grabbed his coat and mask and headed out at a quick walking pace, which soon turned into a run; the studio and in turn Wooyoung his end goal.

-*-*-*-

The music reverberated around the brightly lit studio. Wooyoung stood facing the huge wall to wall mirror practicing choreography.

Wooyoung was pushing himself and pushing himself determined to nail the choreo with absolutely no mistakes.

He put all his energy into each powerful movement.

He was determined not to think of San.

Not to let himself wander to those dangerous thoughts that he thought San would hate him for if he knew.

He tried to build a mental wall to shut out his thoughts, but with every movement San was all that was on his mind.

The way he had pushed San, slammed the door in his face, the way he looked in that lacy Dior tank, how San had felt in his arms, the way their lips had collided and started this whole mess.

All these thoughts were chipping away at Wooyoung's wall brick by brick.

Sweat was pouring from his body and his breath was shaky. Wooyoung fell to the floor as the song came to an end, clutching is hand to his chest willing his heart to stop. Tears started to pour from his eyes. He felt so stupid to be feeling like this.

"Why now?" Wooyoung thought to himself "Why did I have to start having feelings for San now?"

Part of Wooyoung still thought that he shouldn’t be having these feelings, but the other part was screaming at him for trying to deny it.

Wooyoung was trying to come to terms with the fact that the feelings that he had weren't going to go away any time soon, maybe ever.

Could he ever face San again when he felt like this? Could he get back to how they used to be?

As if on cue Wooyoung heard the door click.

He looked up towards the studio door, but immediately buried his face in his arm when he saw who it was.

San.

"Great timing" Wooyoung thought to himself with sarcasm.