When Light Meets Dark - Kylo's Sister

Get Out of My Head

"I'm not really sure why. But... do you stop loving someone just because they betray you? I don't think so. That's what makes the betrayal hurt so much - pain, frustration, anger... and I still loved her. I still do."

~Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire

Kylo

I coughed. Zanna continued to stare at me intensely, waiting for my next words.

"But I've never thought of you as more than a friend," I said, looking her right in the eye. "And you're a great friend, the best anyone could ever ask for."

She sighed. 

"You're too kind to tell me the truth aren't you?" she said smiling.

"Zanna, everything I'd told you is the truth. I wouldn't lie to you, not again."

She didn't say anything and we stared at each other for a few awkward moments. Then she asked,

"Can I kiss you?"

Almost instantly my body stiffened. 

"Wh--what?" I stammered. I wasn't entirely sure I'd heard her correctly.

"We're both single. And it'd just be one kiss."

I didn't really know what to say. All I could do was stare at Zanna's blue oval face, studying the large brown eyes, her pointy nose, her lips. What I felt for Zanna was stronger than friendship -but I did not love her.

"Look I know that we'll never be together," she said, and for a moment her confidence left her and she seemed, sad. "I realised this back in the city, when I first heard you talk about Rey."

It was then that I understood for just how long I had been hurting her, how many weeks she'd had to listen to me go on and on about Rey. I felt terrible because Zanna really was a great person and I'd been too self-centred to realise what I was doing to her.

"I know it's horrible of me, but I was a tiny bit happy when you guys broke up. I should've known I never had a chance, honestly, I don't even seem like your type--"

"Zanna, stop it," I said, tired of listening to her beat herself up. Then I leant over and kissed her. After a moment I could've pulled away but I didn't, I let the kiss drag on until I felt her groping in my hair, until both of us had run out of breath. 

"Wow," she said.

I laughed nervously, then after I'd caught my breath said,

"Stop acting as if you mean nothing to me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to give you what you want but--". Before I could think of what to say Zanna had leaned forward and kissed me again. This time I froze because I hadn't expected it.

"Sorry," she said, although there was a smile on her face. "It's just I know that this is the last time I'll get to kiss you."

"Why do you say that?" There were voices in the hallway outside and I hoped very much that no one would come in at that moment.

Zanna shrugged. I felt slightly dizzy and tried to focus on her. A part of me wanted to kiss her again, although I was afraid that things would escalate.

"Well, um, I'll leave you to get some rest," Zanna said.

She touched my arm then stood up from the seat beside my bed and walked out of the infirmary. As soon as she had gone I lay back and tried to understand what had just happened. And more importantly, whether my friendship with Zanna had just officially ended.