"I am not gay"

Denial

I sit in class, completely zoning out, letting my thoughts roam freely. In about a week, it'll be my 3 year anniversary with my girlfriend Emily. Although I'm starting to realize that I don't really feel the same about her anymore. I love her, I really do, I just don't think I'm in love with her... Maybe I never was. But how would I truly know? She's my first serious relationship, so maybe this is love. I mean, she gave me butterflies when we first met, and she makes me happy.

Although she is a bit sex driven. I mean, yeah sex is alright, but she expects to get laid like 3 times a week. I've never really liked sex all that much when I really think about it. That's besides the point. Okay, so if I don't want to be with Emily, then who do I want to be with? Because I know for a fucking fact that I don't want to be alone.

A few people slowly pass through my mind, until an image of Carl Gallagher comes up and stays. I instantly feel heat in my face. No way, he's a guy, and I'm not gay. I mean, clearly he's attractive, almost every girl swoons for him. His messy, but somehow perfect hair, that I'd die to run my hands through. His grey-blue eyes that you could quite literally get lost in. His soft, full lips, the thought of them against my neck make melt.

The bell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts. I hurriedly pack my things and sling my bag over my shoulder. What the hell was that? I try to shake the intrusive thoughts from my mind as I enter the hall. All is forgotten when I see Emily at her locker. I run up behind her, and wrap my arms around her in a big hug as I pick her up. She squeals and giggles as I put her down. She turns around to face me, looking into my eyes with her hazel pair.

I give her a quick peck "Hey baby" I smile at her. She blushes lightly, and quietly replies with "How has your day been so far?". "A hell of a lot better now that I'm with you" I tell her. I look at the clock, counting down the time we have left in our passing period. "Come on, let's head to lunch before they think we skipped" I say grabbing her hand and lightly pulling her behind me, heading to the cafeteria.

Thankfully, we are in a friend group together, so I don't have to worry about her not liking my friends, or vise-versa. And its not like our friends weren't okay with us skipping, because they did it all the time, they just get hurt if we don't invite them. Once we get our food, we head to the small outdoor area. Its honestly not that nice, just a pavement area with a few picnic tables and benches. As I opened the door for Emily, I saw the whole group in their normal spots.

On the left we have Augustus, but we call him G. He's a dumb ass in general, but still passes his classes, and we're all amazed. Going clockwise, next to him is Alesia. She's kinda bitchy, and starts a lot of drama, but we love her anyway. Her boyfriend is chill too, he hooks us up with the good shit, but he doesn't have lunch with us.

Then there is Adrian, she's our really smart one, like, valedictorian, smart. If we have any problems with homework, or grades in general, she's our go to. Next up is Lestat, and we have many nicknames for him. He's kind of a man-whore, so him and Carl pick up a lot of girls together. I mean all the single guys of the group do, but its mainly those two. Lestat's body count is at least twice his age, and we're all about 17.

Then sits Carl Gallagher, but he needs no introduction nor explanation. Which leaves the perfect amount of room, for the power couple, and the only couple, of the group. I sit next to Gallagher, and Emily sits on my left. I kinda feel bad because she's stuck next to G, but it'd be even worse if she was next to Carl.

"Well, isn't it the most disgusting couple in the school!" G shouted as Emily and I sat down. That's how this friend group was. We made fun of each other, and we're complete dicks, like when a kindergarten boy has a crush, so he throws rocks to show affection. We are all internally kindergarten boys, and we throw insults to show that we care about each other. "Ah, and my old pal Augustus, be sure not to get stuck in that tube again" I chuckled. G hated it when people made Willy Wonka jokes due to his name. Carl nudged me, and looked over with a somewhat serious face "What's up douche? haven't seen you around much, you avoiding me or something?"