"I am not gay"

This Isn't Working...

Possible TW! Sexual content!

 "I have a surprise." She said biting her lip... Oh shit...

Before I could say anything, Emily pushed her lips against mine.  When she pulled back she looked at me and slowly started taking off my tie.  Once she had undone the knot she grabbed both my hands adjusting them above my head.  She started wrapping it around my wrists, and after a few times around she pulled it tight, and made a new knot of her own.  She kissed me quickly again and seemed accomplished in tying the knot the right way.  She then started to slowly unbutton my shirt, looking up at me and biting her lip.  She opened up the shirt and made small circles on my chest with her finger.  Slowly she started laying kisses down my neck and chest until she stopped at the waist of my pants.  She smirked as she began undoing my belt, and unbuttoned my pants.  Slowly she pulled down my zipper, but came back up for another kiss.  She slowly pulled down my pants, but being restrained by the tie, all I can do is watch.

I begin to get nervous realizing that I'm not even aroused by this.  How long until Emily notices? Shit..  She kisses down my neck, going farther south trailing down my chest to my stomach.  Shit, shit, shit.. "Hey- uh, wait a minute!  I uh, I have to go, I uh-" I try to stutter an excuse but it's too late.  I can tell by the look on her face.  "You're not turned on, like at all... Why aren't you hard?  Eliott, what's going on?" She looks disappointed and confused as she gets off of me and starts undoing the knot binding my wrists.  "I-" I start but she cuts me off "Am I doing something wrong?  Are you not attracted to me anymore?  Is there someone else? Is she better than me?  Am I not good enough for you?" There's panic in her voice as she begins taking short quick breaths to keep in the tears starting to well up in her eyes.  I didn't know what to say.  She seems so distressed, and upset.  I don't even know what's happening.  I'm usually just fine at going through all of this with her.

Then it hit me.  But, no, no fucking way.  There is no way in hell that it's because of all of that Carl shit.  Y'know why?  Because I am NOT gay.  There's nothing wrong with gay people, honestly some of my best friends are gay, but I'm not.  Unless, I mean unless I am.  Am I?  Am I gay?  And, do I like Carl Gallagher?  I'm ripped from my thoughts by the sound of Emily's sobs.  I had completely forgotten where I was and what was happening.  I stand up and grab my pants from the spot on the floor where Emily had thrown them.  She looks at me and manages through her sobs "Are you- you- you can't just leave".  I pull my pants on and sit next to her.  "I'm not, I'm right here." I tell her wrapping an arm around her running my hand up and down her back.  We sit as she quietly sobs into my shoulder.  "Hey Em?  If it isn't obvious, uhm, this isn't really working for me"  I manage to say as she pulls her face out of my shoulder and she looks at me with puffy eyes.

"No shit." She sniffs and wipes away tears "But, why? What am I doing wrong?  I thought you loved me." she stands up and looks at me.  "I do, I mean.. I did.  And, its nothing you did, in fact, its something about me.  Em, I trust you, and I need you to help me through this, okay?  If I tell you this, you can not tell anyone."  I look up at her ready to admit it to her and myself.  "Okay.." She says sighing slightly seeming to be getting a little impatient with me at this point.  I take in a deep breath here goes nothing..  "Emily.. I'm gay."  I couldn't have stopped myself if I wanted to.  The words flowed so smoothly out of my mouth that I knew right then and there that it was true.  I'm gay, and I like Carl Gallagher. 

I silently wait for a response from her as she looks at me with a blank face.  I can't tell what she's thinking, and its awful, its so awful because so much could happen.  I'm terrified.  She sighs and starts to laugh a bit "Oh" is all she says.  A bit confused I look at her "Oh.." I respond.  She looks up at me smiling a bit, "Okay, so, you're gay.  I'm a bit hurt, but we can make this work.  Clearly you have someone else on your mind.  Who is he?" she asks as she wipes away tears.  I bit my lip slightly knowing I couldn't tell her yet, "Actually Em, I'm gonna go, but I promise we can talk about it all later, alright?" I say getting up as she nods and hugs me goodbye.  I get in my car, and on my way home I see someone at my doorstep.  I walk up "Can I fucking help you?" I ask the stranger on my porch, and in return Carl Gallagher's pale eyes looking back at me.