All The Memories That We Made [Completed]

Home At Last

She looks up again, her eyes damp with tears.

I frown, feeling troubled inside.

'You make it sound as if it was your fault', I say.

'It sort of was'.

'No', I shake my head.

I don't know when my own tears started flowing, but somehow, my cheeks are damp, and my eyes sting

I look at her, my heart swelling with love and pain. Oh, how much I love this women before me, yet my inside ache when I realize that I never gave her the love she deserved.

My mother deserved so much. But what did she had? What was she given, besides pain and pain?

I hold out my arms for her and hold her tightly as she sobs freely. They say pain is temporary, and I believe it. But the pain I feel now is unimaginable, I can't imagine it ever going away though I know it will.

My whole body feels sore and weak, as I hold my Mother, both of us breaking and healing at the same time.

There is still so much I want to know, but I know that now isn't the time. She has said enough for today. She must rest now.

The pain inside makes a big hole in my heart. It feels shallow and deep, and I feel like falling. The pain is intense, and my heart trembles by it's weight. Since how long have I been trying to run away from pain and ending up feeling it anyway?

It makes me more sad than ever as I realize how being mistreated had effected two people's life. How abuse has left it's affect even on me, when my Mother never raised her hand at me.

I felt cheated and wounded. I so craved for a carefree life, a life that seemed like dream that could never come true. A life where I could see the pain leave our lives, where we could smile and be truly happy.

Seven years. It has been seven years now since I've grown apart from my Mother. Since I started asking questions.

That was the only thing my Mother said no to. She would always give me whatever I wanted, ready to give up all she had for me. But she wouldn't give me what I most wanted, herself.

She had always thought herself too fragile and weak. She thought I would love her less if I knew who she really was. If I found out how broken she was. And thought it would scare me. And it did.

But it's okay. That's what most people don't understand. They don't treat broken people like they way they should be treated. Wither they overreact or they ignore completely. They say 'it's a lost case' without really trying to make it work.

All my Mother needed was what only she knew about. Perhaps it was love, or something that even I didn't knew about.

Borken people know how they want to be treated. Shouldn't they be asked? Shouldn't people try and find out about what they want to talk about?

A million Thoughts run one after another, like a violent train. I'm so shaken by the whole affair, I truly feel more hopeless then ever.

Yet somehow, I gain control. Somehow, I wipe my tears and give her a kiss, telling her that we're going home. There is too much to know. I'm ending everything way too soon. But I'm not.

I know that she has a lot to tell me, but I can't press any longer. It's okay I think, trying to comfort myself. 'You have her, that's all that matters'.

I help her up, somehow knowing deep down that I am repeating the same words my Mother would say. We walk back to our car, we get in. She looks like an old lady, she looks weak.

But I know, I know that my Mum is the strongest women I know. I drive back home, Feeling numb now.

Wiping out my phone from my purse, I text Ellie. Somehow, I really need her right now.

'What was it that you talked about with my Mum?'

She replies instantly.

'I told her, that you needed to know. That you were brave and would accept whatever was it that she wouldn't tell you. I told her that you loved her and that it would ruin your life if she kept herself away. I told her that you were all you had and she had to give herself to you'

I read her message, feeling warm inside. How can this girl know just the right thing to say?

'What did she say?'

'She said, 'I'm broken'. I want my daughter to get the whole side of me, the happy side.'

I glance at her stating at the sky, her eyes deep with emotion. I smile, though she doesn't sees me.

'She told me some things. But I think I know now why she never told me anything at all. She couldn't, it's as simple as that'

Another text. I lower the speed and read it, one hand on the staring wheel.

'She loves you. I'm proud of you too Sarah. I was right to say that you're brave. You're probably the bravest person I know.

I feel warm onside. Suddenly, I'm warm, and happy. It amazes me, the bubbly feeling, I never thought I feel it to this extent. It's a foreign feeling, a feeling that I felt countless tomes, seven years ago. But soon, it stopped coming so frequently and then it stopped altogether.

I smile as I type a message and send it to her.

'Are you an angel?'

I picture her laugh as she reads the message. The reply comes quickly.

'Haha. I'm not sure. Why?'

I chuckle a little myself, so softly that Mum doesn't even hears me.

'You probably saved my life. You became the reason I now know more about my Mother. I know you so little. We spent such little time together but you did such good. I know now, Ellie, I know. And I'm not so desperate anymore. I feel like I know now why I need to live. I've found a purpose'

I inhale deeply, staring ahead of me. One look at Mum informs me that she has fallen asleep. I smile warmly at her, suddenly full of life and energy. I feel so much energy inside me that I can swear that I could climb a mountain right now and still have lots of it left.

A bleat of my phone makes me glance at the screen again. Another message.

'Maybe that's why we were supposed to meet. That's why everything was so 'strange'. Maybe we just couldn't figure out then what it was. But I so do now. We needed each other'

I sigh as I read her message.

'I needed you. Me and Mum needed you. But what have I done for you? Nothing at all'

Another bleat. I might crash our car in a tree or something If I keep glancing at my phone too often. I smile at the very thought, feeling silly.

'Those two evening made me so happy. Thank you for that'

I smile again as my finger tap on my screen.

'I feel like my younger self. Like 'me'.'

She replies again.

'I'm happy for you Sarah. Remember that it won't get easy. But you have to be strong. Don't let go. You can do this!'

I smile, typing a 'thanks', then shut my phone. I need to focus on driving if I want to reach home alive.

We reach home, somehow. And suddenly, it doesn't seem so horrible. I find myself staring at things and realizing that there is a lot to do.

Leaning towards Mum, I shake her awake, making sure I don't shake too hard. She wakes up, her eyes studying my face.

'Where are we?'

I suppose she isn't fully awake yet.

I smile before muttering the words, and I savor their meaning, realizing that I truly mean them.

'We're home'.