𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐒.

𝘹𝘪𝘪. 𝘤𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥

thor on my left, natasha on my right. i sat in the middle of the bed, both of them on either side of me. my hands were still shaking, so i shoved them between my thighs. if i was ever going to get through this awful story i had to stop myself from fidgeting the whole time. i needed to be concise, clear and direct. i would tell them my past, and my feelings about it.

i was so utterly sick of the lies. this was the right path for me, but i still somehow felt that telling them would ruin everything for me. everything i had worked so hard for would be gone in a snap. their respect for me would definitely be the first to go. there were so few people left in this world who could still tolerate my presence. i wasn't sure i was ready to destroy that.

despite the feelings of hesitation i held, i still knew that nothing would ever solve my lies. if i didn't tell them now, i'd just dig myself into an even deeper hole until i was eventually standing in my own grave. i took a deep breath, and began my story.

"i told you guys when i first arrived here coulson hired me straight out of the army," they both nodded, recognizing the detail. "that was true, but that's not the whole story. i didn't have a perfect life and a perfect family."

"i did have a perfect life for a while, though. i had two younger brothers. they were a lot to deal with, but i loved them." thor smiled. he knew what that was like. "we had a happy mom and dad, a roof over our heads and warm food every night. my best friend was my aunt, my father's sister. we were super close. until her husband murdered her."

i saw natasha and thor recoil ever so slightly from my words. even i could even hear how bitter my voice was.

"that's when things went downhill. my dad started drinking, and, well, everyone knows that's a slippery slope. at first it was little things. taking the doors off of our rooms, insisting he did it for our safety. sometimes he'd wake up screaming and pull us all down to the living room to 'make sure we were safe.' eventually, the drinking got so bad he started throwing things, hitting us. i was the oldest, and my mom was too weak to do anything, so i took the brunt of it. i've never really felt safe since then."

natasha took my hand. she knew what this was like. i sniffled, and looked up at my ceiling, trying to stop tears from coming.

"you good to keep going?" she asked. her voice was soft with concern. i squeezed her hand and nodded. i owed the truth to her. thor was silent. i assumed he knew this wasn't his place to comment. from what i'd heard, he was always the golden child. i was the reject.

"my, uh, powers- if you will- manifested the night my aunt was murdered. my mother blamed the whole thing on me, and she couldn't handle my father either. one night things got so awful he attacked my youngest brother, jack, with a knife. i tried to stop him and accidentally hit a pressure point. it killed him." i chuckled humorlessly. "it's funny, you know? my first kill was to protect someone innocent. i still use that excuse today."

thor spoke up. "y/n, it's not an excuse. protecting an innocent is a fair reason to kill. i've only worked with you for a little while, but i know from fighting by your side that you only kill if absolutely necessary. it's admirable."

for whatever reason, his words made me feel a little better. his voice was honey, warm and sweet. it was strangely comforting, and i tried to ignore the new feeling he gave me. now was not the time to pick apart that problem.

"thank you," i said, looking down at my hand pressed between my thighs. "um, it means a lot."

"my words are the truth."

it was a sweet moment frozen in time. we smiled at each other, forgetting our troubles until natasha cleared her throat.

"right, sorry. um, so after i killed him, i lived with my mother and brothers for a little while longer. it was a couple of months of the silent treatment, but then she kicked me out. i couldn't blame her for it. being on the streets was a shitty way to live, though, i can attest to that. i think i was fifteen, maybe sixteen? i can't remember, it feels like so long ago."