A Downward Spiral

7

You wish it would stop. All of it. The depression. The anxiety. The worry. The fear. You know she isnt gonna leave you, but you try and live mistake free and make everything perfect for her. You dont want to loose her. She is the last string that is holding you to life.
Every second of the day you think about her. And when you think about her, your mind creates scenarios of loosing her. How she would leave. What would cause her to leave. What you would do after. How would you feel. Those thoughts become reality. And your anxiety takes over. You are now distracted.
You want to be supportive. You want to be the one that she can go to. You want to trust. You want to love. But somewhere in your head, there is a wall. A wall you built when you were mentally abused by the girl before. You've tried to tear it down. But nothing seems to work.
You want to trust she isnt seeing another guy behind your back. But you cant. You want to trust she isnt sleeping with someone else behind your back. But you cant.
You've been lead along on a leash to beleive that love is the best thing to happen to you. When you've been shown that it can rip you apart. You've witnessed it rip others apart. You've experienced it ripping you apart. Your heart can only take so much more. You dont know how to fix it.
You feel like giving up. Your anxiety spikes through the roof. You are now having an anxiety attack. You cant breathe. You can't think. You cant see. Tears have filled your eyes. You want your mind to stop. You want your heart to stop. You want your head to stop. You want to stop breathing.
You decide enough is enough. You take one last look around as you drive to nowhere. You park your car. You look around one last time before waking out onto that bridge. You feel the wind in your hair as you climb up on the rail. You want to cry, but you cant. You've lost all emotion. You take one last breathe as you leap off the rail. You relax as you fall. And finally. When you hit the bottom. You feel relief. All your pain is gone in an instant. And finally, when hundreds of years have passed, and no one knows who you were, you finally cease to exsist.....