A Twist Of Fate

Chapter 31

I awaken a little while later and I'm still in the same position. Facing the wall. Regina is still holding me from behind. Shit. I lost it again. Damn it. I carefully roll over and Regina wakes up. "Emma are you ok?"  She asks nervously. "Yes. I think so". I sit up with my back against the wall. "I'm sorry Regina. I didn't mean to freak out like I did. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me".  "Emma stop it. I love you and I always have. Nothing will change that".  "Yeah that will change when you realize your probably gonna end up like your sister. I'm cursed Regina. I'm no good for anyone".  "Please don't say that. Emma maybe we should call Dr. Hopper to help us. You had a very bad anxiety attack sweetheart. Hearing that I'm pregnant brought up a lot of feelings for you. Please let me call Dr. Hopper".  I just nod and don't say anything. She gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you my love. Why don't you lay down in bed and I'll go call him". I nod and she stands up and I struggle to stand. Everything hurts right now. I guess sleeping on the floor isn't a good idea. I sit on the bed and Regina leaves the bedroom. "How could I fucking freak out like that?"  I ask myself. "Regina probably thinks I don't want a family with her. I do, I really do but I'm so scared. I don't know if I could live through that again". Tears run down my face. I'm not about to freak out. I'm just thinking. Regina walks in a few minutes later. "Ok dear. Archie will come over to see us at 6 o'clock tonight. It's only 3 now, how about we go to Granny's and get a nice greasy cheese burger? Neither one of us has eaten at all today".  "I'm really not hungry Regina".  "Emma please sweetheart. We need to eat please. If you don't want to do it for yourself please do it for Angie and I, plus our baby. Please Emma".  "It's hard to say no when you put it that way". I give her a smile and she kisses me. We get dressed and I drive us over to Granny's.  We both got bacon cheese burgers with regular fries and sweet potato fries. Regina said she needed dessert. She got a brownie sundae. As long as I've known her she has never eaten one of those. She blamed it on the baby being too much like me already. I couldn't help but give a real smile and a laugh. "It's funny, when Zelena was pregnant with Angelica she craved some greasy food but it wasn't anything that I really like. Her go to was onion rings. I'm not a fan at all of onions, I just like the fried batter around it". I smile and laugh again. "I love you like this Emma. So open, so happy to tell stories about when Zelena was pregnant. I know we still talk about her but we never get into anything like her pregnancy".  "I'm sorry. I guess it's just hard for me to think about that. I think that's why I may have freaked out earlier. I am truly sorry about that by the way". She grabs hold of my hand across the table. "It's fine Emma. This was some very shocking news".  I nod and look down at the table top. "Regina I'm so scared. I really am".  "I understand Emma. And I don't think this feeling you have will go away any time soon".  I frown and shrug. "It's ok Emma. Archie will help us". I smile. "I do love you Regina".  "I know Emma, and I love too". Ruby comes over and asks if we want anything else. We both say no thank you and she leaves the check. I pay it and leave a good tip because she always takes care of us. Then Regina and I went home. About an hour later Dr. Hopper showed up and we sat and talked. Regina and I told him what we discussed during our dinner at Granny's and he seemed very happy by that. "That's so wonderful. You know a little bit about why you are scared. That's half the battle. Regina was right about these feelings probably not going away anytime soon. So what we need to do is try to help you believe that you are not cursed. You've already read the statistics of the type of medical condition Zelena past away from so you know it's not a very common occurrence". Regina and I both listen closely to all he has to say. Damn this guy. Why is he alway right?  "Emma may I ask what was the first thing that came to mind when you heard the doctor say Regina was pregnant?"  I smile and look at my wife. "I was happy. I honestly thought 'Holy crap we are gonna have a baby'. Then my head went crazy".  "Ok. So what was your second thought?"   "My next thought was that I can't lose another love of my life because I got her pregnant too".  "So you blame Zelena's death all on yourself?" I shrug. "I don't know. I guess. If she never got pregnant maybe she'd be alive". I quickly turn to Regina. "I'm so sorry if that hurts you at all but no one should die because of me". Tears fall from her eyes and she basically leaps into my arms. She holds me so tight. "Emma I'm not upset but Zelena's death was not your fault". She gives me a kiss. "She's right Emma".  "Yeah but what if..". Regina cuts me off. "Remember what I said to you when you were scared to propose to me?  I said 'If we live our lives by what if's then we aren't living'. My love it still holds true".  "I'm impressed Regina". Dr. Hopper says. "She's right again Emma. "So how do we change this?"  I throw up my hands and sigh. "I have no fucking idea Archie".  "I understand Emma but I think we made some progress tonight. This is definitely not a one session discussion. Are you both willing to talk to me about this again? I can be available whenever you need me".  I look at Regina and she nods to me. "Yes Archie please. I hate to say this but I don't think I will able to get through this without some form of guidance".  I look at Regina with a sad face. "I so sorry Regina. You deserve so much more than I am able to give but I promise to always be by your side through this".  She kisses me. "Oh Emma. I know you will be here for me. I have no doubt about that. That's what I deserve my love. Someone who is by my side through everything. That is definitely you my love". She kisses me and holds me tight. "I'll never leave you. I promise. I'll always be here to support you".  A moment later Archie clears his throat and we turn to look at him. I say. "Sorry Archie".  "Not a problem. I'm just glad you both want the same thing from this. So how about I come back next week and we can talk again? And if you have any trouble between now and then you can call me and I'll come right over". Regina and I both nod. "Thank you Archie. Really. Thank you so much". I say to him. He stands as do Regina and I. We hug him and walk him to the door, where we thank him again. Once he leaves Regina hugs me tight. "Thank you for being so open Emma. I love you so much". She kisses me and I look into her eyes and smile. "Baby I love you so much. I want to enjoy these moments with you and I'm sorry that I need Archie to help with that but I'll do whatever it takes to make this alright".  She kisses me again. "Thank you Emma".  "No thank you Regina. You are always there for me". We kiss. "And I always will be my love".