𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧

『the boy with blonde hair and a heart of gold』

I didn't realize
until the other day
that you really had
loved me too.
but it's far too late
for our belated romance
to bloom.
you live hundreds of miles
away in a world
where anger, hatred
and fear are ruling you.
and my world is beginning
to be the same.
our worlds seem to be more
alike now than they
ever were before.
I didn't even know if
you would remember me,
I was just a background sound
in your play,
but here you are asking me
how I've been doing for the last
three years of our lives.
and I feel like crying,
because existing when you do
is plenty for me,
knowing we're breathing
in sync is perfect.
I find myself missing you.
you asked me "when are you
coming home?"
and it took everything in me
not to say
that isn't my home anymore.
this place is my home,
where I'm sitting in my bedroom
thinking about the other person
who's been waiting for me
for three months, holding out a
bouquet of sunflowers in my mind.
I sigh and reply with
"I'm not sure"
but I think we both know I'm
not coming back.
when I left, I left.
I have no reason to return.
and I'm sure it's just lovely
this time of the year, and you
are still biking down the hill
to the gas station, the same gas
station I always went to
to get a Dr. Pepper. and you
always went to that gas station
because you knew I'd be there.
and looking back I loved that.
I'm sure you also still walk alone
to class and not even look at anyone
except for when I'd call your name in
the hallway. I can still see
you turning around and
smirking at me.
You probably ride the float
in the Homecoming parade with
the baseball players because
I'm not there to walk next to you
anymore, and talk and ask you
all the questions we never got to
ask before then.
back then we couldn't talk
at school because we
were far too different.
I was in love with my sheet music,
and you were in love with
your football practices, and biking
around the hills in our neighborhoods.
I guess we haven't even changed
that much after all these years.
you haven't changed one bit.
you've still got that beautiful
blonde hair and perfect blue eyes.
and I think you're shocked by what
I've become.
no bangs and the same big blue eyes
that see daydreams far too often.
and I really wish that I could come
back to the place that was once my home.
just to say hello to you one more time.
just to hear your voice one last time.

august 10th, 2019