𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧

『the subject』

you sit in this dim lighting,
quiet and peaceful, like
the entire world is your canvas.
you don't smile when you
sit there, like you do when I
am sitting with you.
you aren't the dorky boy
I know when you sit there.
you look like a man
who almost intimidates me.
I watch you and smile.
you can't see the blush within
this blue lighting.
you don't notice how I want
to cry these salty tears.
you don't realize how badly I
wish I was the subject of your
sweet speech, your romantic
poetry. but I'm not.
I have never been and never
will be the subject.
I am the saddened friend
who makes you feel better,
but can't ever show that she is
suffering over you.
that she's indeed fallen.
and they all say
"he's loved you since
the beginning."
but are they right?
I think not.
I try so hard not to believe it
or feel it, but I want to.
I want to believe that you
could ever see me like that.
that you could love the things
about me that I don't.
my annoying laugh,
and my light skin,
my bad habit of nail biting,
and my heartbreak.
maybe you'd love me for me
and you'd love deeper than
you'd ever loved before.
you skip across the room and
the dimness fades.
I am woken by the splashing
of luminous puddles in the street.
I race past them, watching the
reflections shift as I go.
I see you in each one.
In the red and green lit puddles,
and I hear you in the words of
the songs on my radio.
and you see me when you meet me
in classrooms and behind closed doors.
you meet me in cavetown songs and
in the hugs you give.
and I wonder if you meet me far
more often than I want to believe.

September 17th, 2019