𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 & 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

This is My Story

Well, this is hard for me to write. I don't really know where to begin even. Hm. I guess we'll start at the very beginning...

So, growing up, I had a lot of problems in school. It's the reason my mom took me out and home-schooled me from 2nd Grade onward actually.

Anyway, school was really tough for me - I had a lot of anxiety when I'd go and I'd get panic attacks every morning on the way there. I even had to go to a counselor briefly because of it which was awful and I hated every minute of that...

The reason though that I had so many issues which was what caused me to fear going to school so much - and something I didn't find out about until I was 15 - was my Dyslexia. Speaking a little more technically, I have Dyscalculia and Dysgraphia which are two branches off of Dyslexia.

Dyscalculia is basically math Dyslexia but it's a little more complicated than that. I can't read an analog clock, I still have issues remembering phone numbers, left and right - even at 23 - is problematic every now and then, and I have no rote or long-term memory involving math. Whatever I learn I can retain but only for a short period of time before I forget it and it's honestly like I never even learned it.

And then Dysgraphia has to do with my writing. Because of it, I hold a pen/pencil kind of awkward and it causes pains in my hand. Like if I spend a lot of time writing in a notebook, my hand starts to cramp and it's extremely painful for me. Also, sometimes it's hard for me to get my thoughts down on paper - like I know what I want to happen when I'm writing a story but sometimes it can be difficult to write it. Typing on a computer is actually a lot better for me with both of those problems and mainly how I write to be honest. Dysgraphia also causes a lot of my typos and it's the reason I leave out a lot of words sometimes when I write (a, and, the, but).

I also grew up having OCD which can explain a lot of my anxiety, I suppose. More recently though, thanks to my sister who is a mental health specialist, I found out that I also have ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's being a mild form of Autism.

I'm kind of grateful for finding out those though because it helps me to know why I'm always moving and can't sit still (I fidget constantly), the reason why I'm not very good at keeping friendships (sometimes I forget to message people back and it's hard to maintain being friends with people at times because of it). I also have to have a routine and I hate it being interrupted which can be a pain.

So, I've never really told anyone all of this before and I'm still low-key contemplating deleting all of this just because I never wanted to be judged because of it. I always felt like it made me different and I hated that. I still do.

But I also know that opening up and letting everyone know is a great way to help people like me who are going through the same things. And if any of what I've accomplished can help to empower others then I definitely want that.

I've always believed that if you have a platform to help people, you should use it. So by divulging all this, I guess I am. At least, I hope I am :)