𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 & 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

5. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

"Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which time people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions)."

The accurate description above is from psychiatry.org. OCD can also trigger recurring thoughts and until you do what it is your thought tells you to, you'll have anxiety about it. But that's a very vague example in itself.

With this chapter, I'm going to discuss my own experiences, dispel some stereotypes, as well as explore more unknown characteristic traits.

I've known I had OCD for as long as I can remember, I really don't know how old I was when I found out. For me, it's genetic though because not only does my dad have it, so does both my sisters. (On a side note for those of you who've read earlier chapters, my other disabilities/disorders are genetic as well since I have first and second cousins with the same problems).

First off, I'd like to dispel a stereotype I've heard before - "everyone has OCD". Well...no. Not everyone does have it. Some people may have little quirks about them that may sound like they have it. But OCD is not just a personality trait - it's a specific anxiety disorder.

Now, there are 4 types of OCD - Contamination, Symmetry & Arranging, Doubt & Harm, and Unacceptable/Taboo Thoughts.

For me, I have symptoms of each, differing from mild to more severe. But let's start with Contamination.

This one basically means I have a fear of being physically unclean. Like if I touch a certain surface and it felt dirty to me? I immediately have to wash my hands. And I am unfortunately one of those people who wash their hands for a long time - too long. And sometimes I'll wash my hands and then if I still feel unclean, I'll go wash them again until I feel clean. Weird, I know but it is an OCD symptom. This symptom got "turned on" for me though when I was around really unclean people when I was around 11 or 12. Suffice it to say, I couldn't avoid them at all. They were touching surfaces I had to touch, hugging me, etc. And I never felt clean whenever I was near them so I just had to wash my hands after they left or sometimes during the time I was around them.

But contamination isn't limited to me feeling that way only about germs and dirt - it can also be household cleaner bottles, anything sticky, touching animals or bugs. It's a long list to say the least.

Doubt & Harm is basically a fear of unintentionally harming yourself or others on accident. Common harming fears are the fear of hitting a pedestrian while driving, or fear of leaving the stove on before bed, thereby leading to the death of a family member in a fire. I've had fears of harming myself before but nothing, of course, that I went through with. Repetitive checking behaviors are also commonly associated with this type. For example, whenever I leave the house - even for 5 minutes to go outside - I always unlock the door, twist the knob three times and then go out. But sometimes, if I didn't feel that was enough, I'll go back and twist the knob two more times to make sure it's unlocked. For me, having a repetitive checking symptom is chronic cause I do it with a lot of other things as well.

Symmetry & Arranging is the most common one or rather, the type that most people hear of. With this type, you feel like you have to count things out or for example, my sisters and I as kids used to line up our M&M's by color. And you always have to eat from least favorite to favorite colors. Or eating food in a certain way (one side of sandwich first then the other side so it's completely even). I also hate wrinkles in my comforter - it's one thing that irritates me until I fix it. And it has to be fixed - it can't be left that way.

Unacceptable/Taboo Thoughts can range from religious to violent, unwanted thoughts which may include things like blasphemy and violence towards others. For me, I don't have a problem with either of these things (except maybe the latter slightly when I'm angry) but individuals who experience this never act on their thoughts. But they are unyielding as well as highly intrusive.

Other basic symptoms of these types can also include being overly superstitious (okay, I'm guilty of that one myself), hoarding (again, I'm a little guilty of this one as well), as well as having different obsessions. I'm also guilty of that last one because I tend to obsess over things a lot - books, movies, TV shows, celebrity crushes. I obsess a lot , I admit :P

OCD isn't always a bad thing though - having OCD does make you very meticulous, very clean as well as having an eye for details that others may miss.

I usually don't mention my OCD that much to people if I'm being honest but that's because for the most part, it's not seen as a very real disorder. I feel like there needs to be a lot more awareness for OCD though because most who have it struggle with chronic anxiety every day of their lives.

Which brings me to my next chapter which will be about anxiety and the effects it has on the lives of those who deal with it on a daily basis. Thanks so much for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter - hope y'all will like it :)