𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 & 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

6. Anxiety

I've always had anxiety - really bad actually since I was a child.

When I first went to school as a kid, I had bad separation anxiety from my mom and then later on that developed into anxiety over not being able to learn like the other children.

And because of that I would always have panic attacks on the short drive to school. A lot of times I wouldn't even eat breakfast, I'd just outright refuse. Even as I got older though, that part never went away - I never can eat when I have anxiety over something. Of course, bad stomachaches come with that, too. So yeah, not fun - any of that lol.

Some of my added problems in school though also come from the staff there - for example, since I'd been homeschooled off and on before being put in public school again in 2nd grade, I wasn't the best at knowing all the rules. Like don't get out of your seat, etc. And I paid for that after getting up out of my seat to ask a question by having the teacher slam the door in my face just because she wanted to gossip with the other teacher in the hallway. And when my mother pulled me out of school, the principal told her that I was manipulative - just because I was having problems in school. Even the counselor I had to go to wasn't the best person. Yeah, so great staff, right there.

One time, I even had a meltdown in the cafeteria induced by anxiety, in front of a lot of other children who just gawked at me like I'd lost my mind. Because of everything I went through during those years due to my disorders & disabilities, it left me feeling very misunderstood by my peers.

But enough of me ranting about my bad experiences lol. Let's get into more detailed information on anxiety.

Basically, everyone has suffered from anxiety at one point in their lives or another. And most times, people can get over it and work through it. But for others, anxiety can be chronic and a lifelong struggle that you fight on a daily basis. Sometimes, it can even be so bad that you need to take medication for it. I, myself, have had some pretty bad anxiety attacks that probably warranted taking meds for it - I even have problems sometimes going to funerals because I get really worked up about it and have a lot of anxiety, nearly to the point of being sick.

As a child, I even had the problem of always asking my mother "Is everything okay?". That was a constant thing with me - I was always asking if everything was okay, was everything alright, etc. And I never realized it was a symptom of anxiety until I was older.

Everyone fights their own demons but there are times when the battle can be constant and wearying - anxiety is the worst because sometimes you feel very stuck in your head with it. Like no one understands. But there are loads of people out there who go through it, too. And you're never alone in that.

Symptoms of anxiety can include being nervous (that one's a given), an increased heart rate (I have this problem myself), hyperventilating (had this too), sweating, shakiness (again, guilty of that one), feeling weak or worn out, and trouble concentrating on anything besides your current worries. Even stage fright or public speaking can be a source of anxiety for some.

Personally, I have anxiety about singing in front of a large crowd - it wasn't always like that, though. I would sing at church as a child and was perfectly fine with it. But then as I got older, it got harder and when I was around 15, I ended up messing up - it was actually because of allergies but still, it really bothered me and singing in front of people was something I quit doing afterward. I've only gotten less then halfway on doing better with that though.

In short? Anxiety is a very horrible thing to work through.

Even though anxiety can be a regular occurrence, it can also manifest itself as specific disorders though including agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, selective mutism, separation anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, hypochondria and lastly substance-induced anxiety disorder.

As you can see, there are several different types and they all have the same basic symptoms. They can even run in families and it can be genetic (as mine is) or even be caused by different factors: trauma, stress buildup, or other mental health disorders.

I think this year, though, has made everyone's anxiety much worse than it was before. These days, even going outside can be a scary and precarious situation. Especially when others don't follow the rules. Not to mention being cooped up in the house most days because of quarantine is definitely anxiety-inducing or can even cause depression.

However, there's ways to manage your anxiety - such as exercising, finding new hobbies to occupy your mind, staying on a schedule, getting enough sleep, eating less sugar and caffeine as well as taking deep, slow breaths to quiet your racing thoughts.

Anxiety can definitely be beaten but it is a constant battle.

Coming up in the next few chapters, I'm going to be discussing depression and also tips on how to deal with certain disorders and disabilities - different things that's personally helped me out. And later, I'll be writing chapters on other disabilities/disorders that I don't have myself. Those may take me a little longer to write though because I'll have to research more lol. I hope y'all will like them and please don't hesitate to let me know what other disorders you'd like to see me talk about in this book :)