Billie Girl

Chapter Twenty-One

So they had classified me now. I heard it from my mother, because I had stupidly filled in the box on my intake form which allowed Dr. Moody's office to share information with my family. So that is how I learned in a roundabout way that there was a good chance that I was bipolar. That was a real let-down. But the psychiatric community needed to do that so that they could understand what can never be understood. They needed to label me like I was strawberry jam.

They also told Mom that I was in a "hypomanic" state. And maybe they were right, because my whole mental make-up changed after I saw Dr. Moody. After spending those forty-five minutes with him, I felt like my head was a helium balloon with no string attached to anyone who might hold me back from just flying away.

But then a few nights later I fell asleep in bed. My two dogs were beside me, all curled up. And at first I had a dream that was so sweet I could taste it on my lips like honey. I was dreaming that Mom and Dad were back together, and we were having a picnic at the nearby Collins Park by Reeds lake. It was nothing really extravagant. In fact, I think we had just picked up some sub sandwiches and some chips and some cookies, and we were together. Except in this dream Leslie was with us, and she was spoiling the moment by acting all stuck-up and aloof like she always did.

And then I saw a vision of a gigantic hand coming out of the sky, and it enveloped me in its palms and shook me me until I woke up.

I heard a low ominous voice echo through me, "You are not eternal!"

That negated all good feelings of that dreamy family picnic. What voice was this that could lay such negative vibes on me? How dare that voice wake me up from my little paradise!

After waking so abruptly, I just couldn't get back to sleep. I got up and made myself some oatmeal, but nothing helped. I even made myself Valerian root tea, but that didn't work either.

I never slept that night. I tried to make it through the next day as best I could. It was odd, and it had never happened to me before. I had always slept so soundly and found sleep to be my favorite hobby. I could nap like nobody's business, solid four-hour naps. I used to just crash after big meals; naturally, after Thanksgiving feasts I slept like a rock. So this was really strange for me. A strange pattern was emerging. I fell asleep at first very easily, and then no matter what dreamed that a big hand reached down and pulled me up out of it. On the third night of this ailment, I went into my mother's room and woke her up and told her about my new dilemma.

"Billie, you have been so high strung lately. You just need to learn to relax. Please don't be a little sicko, go back to sleep."

After tossing and turning till 5:00 AM I got up and I brought my blankets to my mother's bed, and I l lay down beside her, and she didn't wake up, and I just stayed there with eyes wide open.

Then came the night were I got this strange idea in my head that the sun would never rise again. Because I have been up all night time seems to move like lava, so slow. I wondered, where is the sun? When will it come up? So I did something that was so not like me I called 911 and they answered, "911. Where is the emergency?"

"Hello, I was just wondering if anybody has called you about what is going on?'

"Called us about what?'

"Well, about the sun?'

"The sun, what about the sun?"

"It hasn't come up yet, are people panicking?"

"Why would they panic?"

"Because if the sun does not come up there is going to be another ice age, that's why."

"The sun comes up at 9:30."

"No way, the sun comes up much earlier than that. I just know it."

"Listen young lady, is this is your idea of a joke? I suggest you get ready for school or go back to sleep..but this call is over."

The police dispatcher hung up the phone. And that was the night that I truly thought was the end of the world. Maybe Dr. Moody was onto something. There was something wrong with me.

So I went out on a little walk in the night.