Billie Girl

Chapter Eight

It was almost Christmas Eve, and this killer had been loose in the city since late summer, yet people still put up Christmas lights on their houses. What were residents supposed to do? Besides, the extra lights were perceived as making neighborhoods safer.

Blake and I were grabbing a bite at the grocery store, and we had also come to buy tickets to the Michigan Mega lottery because it was up to one hundred and sixty million dollars. We vowed in front of the woman who printed out our tickets that we would split the money between us. Blake took it a step further and said that if we won, we should also give the cashier who processed our ticket a million bucks. I didn't really answer him. I didn't want this to be between three people, I didn't want this to be a trinity. I just wanted the winnings to be shared between Blake and me. Though Blake played the tortured introvert, he could sometimes be outgoing. As of late it was hard to get him alone. He was lately spending more time with his friends. In fact, he planned to leave me alone on Christmas Eve to go see some friends in Washington DC. He knew I could not go along with him and leave my mom all alone on Christmas Eve. I could not believe he planned to abandon me during such a vulnerable time.

I told him so and he just said, "Billie, we can't live in fear. If we do, then this homegrown terrorist wins. Don't give the guy a second thought. Don't give him power."

"But now with you going away, I won't feel comfortable going anywhere alone."

"So then stay in, check some movies out from the library, make some popcorn and stay in all comfy at your Mama's house."

"But how is it you feel OK about leaving me during the holidays?"

"The holidays have no meaning. Today is just another day and tomorrow means nothing. The fact that it is Christmas Eve is meaningless. Why should I give two shits about a pagan holiday? Billie, come on you don't believe in Santa anymore, do you? And if it happens to be Jesus Christ's birthday, then good for him. I have some very good friends that I have not seen in a long time, and we want to spend time together. They have a couple of days off from their jobs at a meat packing factory that happens to be kept below zero twenty four hours a day so that everybody can have their ham and their turkey and their cheese. And on the holidays they get a few days off from dead meat to spend time with buddies."

"But..."

He already knew what I was gong to say, so he said it for me."Your wondering why don't I invite you?"

I nodded.

He went on, digging his own hole. "For one, I don't have the money to bring you. Number two, you don't want to leave your mom alone, which is understandable. And three, because we are just now learning what we mean to each other, and I think that this will be a perfect opportunity for us both to think things over."

But what I wanted to say was that I didn't want time and space. I didn't want to think about things. I just wanted to feel his body pressed against mine and to be together all the time. I didn't want balance in my life. I wanted to be totally immersed in this thing. I was tired of everyone else. I just wanted my Blake. It had been a pain in the derriere finding someone, and now that I had someone I didn't want anything else. Some people want and want and then when they get it they throw it away, but I wasn't like that. Having Blake was much more exciting than the search and the chase.

I tried not to look to distressed. But I knew that as soon as he was gone, I was just going to fall apart. With his devilish good looks and with my lousy luck, I bet he was going to get a window seat on the airplane right next to some ravishing bimbo, and they were going to hit it off right away (possibly doing it in the airplane restroom).

Blake and I didn't even kiss that night because I felt I might be coming down with a miserable cold and I didn't want to give it to him before his big trip.