Billie Girl

Chapter Thirty Three

The next morning, Mother regained control of her emotions. She actually showered, washed and brushed her hair, dressed and applied some makeup. She made pancakes, and served me some.

"You seem better," I said to her.

"It's all because of you."

"Why me?"

"Because this morning I have realized how real you are. How strong and beautiful. This thing that you are doing with Detective Stanley, it's the right thing to do. Yes, I am fearful of losing you, but somehow I know you will persevere."

"From the way that he described it, there does not seem to be any risk. I will be under constant surveillance. In fact, he said we are under surveillance now."

"Really?" Mother said, then she wiped her mouth with a napkin, got up from the table, and walked to the bay window in the living room. Across the street, a car with tinted windows was parked.

"I have never seen a car like that parked across the street. That must be them."

"I am sure it is. You see, we are safer than we have ever been."

"Why didn't they have them out there before?"

"Stanley said it was because we had not signed the consent forms."

"So you just call him Stanley now?"

I hadn't realized that I had simply called him by his first name.

"Well, I would like to think we are on friendly terms," I said.

"Call him whatever you want. But I call them Bastards to let paperwork stand in the way. I can only blame myself for Leslie's death. I take all the goddamn blame. All of it!"

I followed her back into the kitchen as she began to regress again into desolation, "Why did I bother to get dressed today? I have nowhere to go." She stepped outside and got the mail. "Looks like the bill collectors don't care whether there has been a death in the family. Let's see what we have. OK electric, and Dr. Elders...still have not finished paying off that filling, and the electric has gone up. Are you using your space heater again?"

"It gets cold in my room."

"Whatever."

She retreated into her sewing room where she had a desk and her computer. She looked over the bills as I cleaned up the kitchen for her. Then Dr. Moody finally returned my call.

"Hello Billie, they paged me. I have been out of town. Would you like to schedule an appointment? We can book one right away."

"What is there to say? My sister has been killed. There is nothing you can do about it."

"But I can give you support, Billie."

"My mother is worried about her bills. She is not sure how much longer we can keep up with the house payments. Can you help us financially? Since Dad died, we have been living off the insurance money from his death. It is running out. Can you pay the mortgage here?"

"Billie, I can't help you financially. But I can be there for you emotionally. I am concerned about you. Your emotions are still too raw. You are a young girl."

"That's what everyone says. All I know is, people don't take care of each other anymore. We just leave everything to the cops, but we never step forward and help. My sister was killed and I am going to...Dr. Moody, this is just something I have to do alone."

"Please Billie, explain to me what you are talking about. What are you going to do?
There was another call on the line. "Excuse me, but I have another call coming in." I clicked over to the next line where I heard Stanley's comforting voice. "Billie, we have everything in place and we are ready to proceed. You are the only missing element. Are you ready to begin?"

"Yes, absolutely," I said.

"OK then we can start tonight. It's pretty simple, all you have to do is put on your bright North Face jacket, wear a hat and mittens to keep yourself warm, and simply step out your door when it starts to get dark. I would say around six. Make sure you eat a good meal first. You'll need the energy. I left a package for you at your front door. It is a voice monitoring system. It is a very simple device. It looks just like an iPod. Just turn on the device, and put on the headset. You will be able to hear my ongoing instructions as well as communicate with me. The most important thing is that we establish the panic words. I want it to be something that will not alert the perpetrator. It cannot be longer than two words. And they have to be very innocuous words. I want you to choose those words. So think about them carefully. I will call you again at 5:30 this evening, and I will expect you to have come up with those words. I must go now. Thank you, Billie."

I hung up the phone. I had completely forgotten that I had been talking to Dr. Moody but he was no longer on the other line. The phone rang and I picked up. It was Dr. Moody,"Billie, we seemed to have been disconnected."

"Sorry about that. It was a very important call."

"I understand. Now please, I want to help you with your grieving process. It can be very complex for a young woman to go through such a sudden loss."

"There is no time, Dr. Moody. I don't want to talk Psycho-Babble right now. You are a very sweet and compassionate man, but I have to go now. I really do."

"OK, Billie, but remember, I am here if you need me."

"Thanks, bye."