Billie Girl

Chapter Twenty Seven

What I was not prepared for was the odd dose of jealousy that I was being subjected to at home. Was it Leslie's biological clock going off again, or was it the fact that my mother was a relatively new widow? But the two of them seemed to hate it when Detective Stanley came over to discuss the details of our secret operation.

My mother shrouded her jealousy in the form of concern for my well being. She said, "I know that I gave you consent to do this. But I hope this is not just you going back to your death-wish days. We helped you through that time when you were 'cutting,' and those foolish walks alone or with Blake. And now you have been given the license to put yourself in harm's way. It is just too much for me to take!"

I would just listen to her tirades, but I would not answer. And then Leslie would have her turn.

"I know exactly why you are doing this. You actually want this distinguished older gentleman to fall for you."

But I would not let Leslie get away with such blasphemy. "Excuse me, but there is nobody for me but Blake."

"OK, then maybe you are trying to get a rise out of Blake."

"I don't need to play games with his head. We already have made a lifetime commitment. It is Mom that won't let us make it legal and binding."

"Billie, "Mom butted in, "You are so damn ready to plan out your whole life."

I didn't want to tell her my theories...how Blake and I would share the hereafter together and so much more as soon as we allowed ourselves the honor of making love. I didn't want to tell her that, if something were to go wrong with what I now called Operation Billie Girl, I was prepared to die, if only to see my father again and be with him and talk with him.

She didn't know that I had extra sensory perception, and that I felt that I could perceive so much more than the just the ordinary dimensions that we know, see, hear and feel.

"Why don't you two just admit to yourselves that you wish Detective Stanley was coming over here to see you?" I asked. "I see how you act when he comes over. Leslie starts running around trying to find cheese and crackers and Mom goes out to buy gourmet coffee. Why don't you both admit that you are desperately lonely?"

"How dare you call me desperate," Mother said.

"Why not admit it? I admit it. I am desperate too. I have not, and I will never, be the same since Dad went on to the next life. But at least I am honest about it. Dad made this house work. He was fun to be around. He was gentle. He was always bringing home little presents for everyone. Not just stupid stuff that they sell at discount at the Pharmacy, but stuff that really meant something. I remember he bought me a book that showed pictures of the Last Judgment painting by Michelangelo. I was so amazed by those images in that book, that it changed my life. And remember when he brought that bicycle built for two? Mom, you told me that totally melted your heart. The two of you were famous around these parts for riding all around in that funny-looking antique bike from the seventies. And Leslie, he gave you that ring, that ring that you love so much. It was a promise ring, a promise that he would always be there for you. I know, Leslie, that he broke that promise. But you have to forgive him. How was he to know that he would be the victim of a hit-and-run. How was he to know...."

By the time I was finished giving them my big talking to, we were all pretty much in tears.

Mom was crying the most, because her emotions were always on the surface. She didn't store her feelings, she always let them out. And Leslie was having a hard time breathing. She was shaking. And then I felt bad about what I did. What was the point of bringing up all the wonderful things about dad? Why? What is the point of thinking of someone you love who is gone? It only hurts. Everything about my dad I stored in the "feel good" department of my mind. That was what he was about. His smile was what it was all about. Simple as that.