Billie Girl

Chapter Forty

I unbuttoned my tight Lee jeans. I tugged them down my endless legs. I was now only wearing a simple white bra and black panties. This was as far as I usually went with Blake. I had all sorts of silly strict boundaries and rules. Rule number one was, the bra and panties rule. I would go no further, and if he wanted to he was welcome to, go elsewhere. Yet he never went elsewhere. He was patient because he wanted only me.

But now would come his long overdue reward as shoulder by shoulder I slid off my bra revealing my breasts.

The Blake I saw looked odd to me, hazy, like he was clouded by cigarette smoke. It was hard for me to focus on the details of his features.

But it was him.

It had to be him.

He shut my bedroom door and attempted to lock it, but was unable to. My mother was never a believer in locks on doors.

Then the Blake I saw began to undress, and it's not like I had not seen him naked before. Though I had my rules when it came to my own body, he was always free to do as he liked. It is a free country, after all, and if he wanted to be butt-naked, then who was I to stop him? He was also welcome to pleasure himself if need be. Sometimes I helped him, with my hands only. That was an OK procedure in my self-written Billie Bible on Virgin sex.

His body seemed different somehow, thicker, hairier, but I could not be totally sure, because my vision was so blurred. Was this a dream? Or could this really be our wedding night? Even though I could not remember the ceremony or the friends or the cake or the band or the throwing of the bouquet or dancing with my dad. Wait, somehow I could picture doing that. My Dad waltzing me across the circular dance floor and some cheesy disco lights flashing blue, red, and yellow across his joyous face. How was it possible that Dad was here? Why should I question such wonderment? This was a night to celebrate and not to question my sanity. Magic was in the air.

Once my panties had slid down my legs, I kicked them into the air, and they landed on a lamp shade. Then Blake took hold of me rather forcefully. This was not like him. He was a gentle guy.

But who was I to question what it was like to go all the way? Then my dream boy pushed me onto my bed, where once again I was surrounded by the festive, sugary and rose-like aroma of Leslie. I saw a brief flash image of her catching the bouquet of blue roses. Lucky girl! So she was the next to find everlasting bliss. So be it.

Now he was wedging my legs apart, like my gynecologist might in the stirrups of the examining room. Definitely not romantic, but kind of hot. Then I see it...and now I knew for sure something is askew because it looks like the serpent in a Satanic ritual. I heard a resounding hiss and I see a serpent's tongue rattle before me. Whatever that is, it is not going inside me. Then I looked up and I was comforted by Blake's face, his soft brown eyes, his full pouting lips. I looked down again and the vision was gone and I was just seeing an erect penis, that was all. What was I so afraid of? This was the most natural of initiations. Every girl has her first time. So this is mine and at least it is with the boy I love.

And then I feel the thrust of a foreign body enter me, pierce me, carve through me, and it is then I see nothing but a long white brick pathway, surrounded on either side by at least four feet of snow, and I know that I am immortal, that Blake and I had become one. I feel the rhythm of time, the seconds are counted by thrusts of energy, the same energy which can create life, a new life, our child....but more than that....it meant so much more than that to me...it always has...and always will.