My Everything, Lisoo

Memories of the Past (Part3) - Family Portrait

At that night...

We both couldn't sleep... easily.....
I laid my head on her chest while listening her heartbeat and
She was hugging my waist and we both stayed silent... 

"Jisoo.... are you sleeping..? thanks ....baby... thanks for staying with me and thanks for being my girlfriend" she said softly to me while rubbing my back...

"Ummmm..... don't say like that... baby ... you don't need to thank me...Lisa" I kissed her ....gently....

I saw the brightest smile from her ... and "Choo... please wait here for a minute" she said and suddenly got up from our bed ....but

She come back to bed within about two minutes and she laid beside me and hug me again

"What did you do, Monkey"

"I just go and bring my phone .... because I want to share something with you that i never want to talk to other people"

"Ummm... what is that something you said, Baby?" I said her while i was kissing her cheek and her neck

"About my family, Choo"
I was happy because she finally opened up about her family that she never mentioned...

"Okay Lisa.. I will listen..." I kissed her softly ....and hug her waist...

She took out a photo behind from her phone case ... it looked like she was hiding it the whole time....

That photo looked really old and she showed it to me...

"Jisoo...here...that's my family portrait"

I saw Baby Lisa, her mom and her father... they all were smiling together....

"Lisa... you were so cute unlike now" I teased her and she smiled back to me ....

And she started talking about her while hugging me ...

"In my family portrait, we look pretty happy, we look pretty normal"

"But Jisoo Yaaa....you also... may don't know how I felt...."

Every night and Everytime... I said those words to myself  only because they didn't heard about what I wanted to say them....

They never listened my voice....

"Mom ...please stop crying....I can't stand the sound of your crying ... your pain is really painful for me and it's tearing me down..."

I hear glasses breaking as I sat up in my bed....

I always woke up from my sleep...not because of my mom came and wake up me...sweetly
just because of their fighting sound....

They always fight about money, about me ...

I didn't know which things made them to fight everytime....

Although this place is my shelter... and it is my home.... I didn't know what was the meaning of Home for me....

I always thought why those things were happening only in my family...

Sometimes I even thought that we may not be a family....

I wanted to go playground or amusement park with my parents... Just Like every family do....

Every family can do easily those things ...but

Those things never happened in my life....

It ain't easy growing up...Jisoo yaa....and I didn't know what's love could be...

I always thought...
Can we work it out? Can we be family?

And I told to my mom that I promise I'll be better, mommy I will do anything...

I begged to my dad....
Daddy please stop yelling, I can't stand the sound ...please make mama to stop from crying ....

I always told them.... I always tried to stop them...

Cause I need them around me....

I always told to my dad...
"My Mom,,,, She love you... and please remember I love you too ... Daddy ...."

But they never listened to me....they were still fighting again and again because of money.... And....because of me......why.... Why....why.....I just.....I just wanted a happy family..... Mom and Dad....

I couldn't breath because I cried so much alone in the dark room...because I thought that they didn't want me from the beginning....
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So...so...so...
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That morning... That morning.... I ran away..... ran from the noise....ran away....from those noise that I really hate.....that was too much for me who only was 10 years old
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I didn't want to go back to that place but didn't have no choice and...
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I came back at night.... But but but....my house.... turned into black...with so many smoke...and...so many people....

what happened.... What was happened... I asked those people around me and they said ...

There was a gas exploration and that explosion made two people from this house died.....and they said they couldn't find their body yet....

I knee on the ground and I told to myself
" why I am the only one who have to suffer all pain"

I never felt those pain that felt right now....

I couldn't even ask them about what was the real problem...of fighting... ... i always wanted them to ask that do you guys love me???

I couldn't breath.... What I remembered was my head became hurt so much.... And my world became black.......my world become so silent and so peaceful...I didn't need to listen fighting and arguing sound .... anymore ... but...

in my mind... I beg again and again... And I prayed....

Please all those things be a dream....but it wasn't....

God never fulfill my request....

Every night I begged and cried... "Mom..Dad...i want to go together with you....please bring me together with you..please...."

Although I knew that they may don't like it.... If I followed them....

Jisoo Yaaa....do you know....about that...

The happiest moment in my life was tooking this family portrait together with them.. ...

At least they took a photo together with me....

And At least we looked like a happy family ......in this family portrait.....

"Jisoo.....Yaaa.....I......... I don't want to cry anymore and I don't want to sad anymore.....and now also I am not going to cry...." she hug me tightly.... And kissed my head.... I felt her fast breathing and I knew that she was trying to hold.her sadness and not to cry....

"I didn't know what is love until I met you and you are the only one who taught me what is love
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Choo... I love you more than myself and
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Please Believe me..."