I luv u ; joeybirlem

24

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" Callie are you okay ? " said carter

" im fine leave me alone " i said trying to go up the stairs and to my room but he blocked them

" talk to me please "

" no carter fuck you "

" Callie please , ive changed i swear , i want to prove that to you " his voice softened

" just leave me alone and give me some times to process everything , i just got here too you know " i said sternly

i pushed him out of my way and made my way upstairs to my room , i slammed the door and locked it then threw myself on my bed and sobbed . why me ? why is everything happening to me ? even then why now ? my life is so fucked and i have no idea what to do at this point . i dont know what to do about joey because no matter how many times he fucks up i will always come back to him and he knows that , thats why he keeps doing it . im so stuck on him , it is so toxic and mentally & emotionally draining yet , im still here in the same position i have been in since 7th grade .

***

i walked downstairs and was greeted by carter sitting on the couch , i gulped and walked over to the fridge to get some soda . as soon as i opened the door he turned over to me and his face softened , why did i fall for him ? he was and still is so toxic , just like joey .

here's what happen , sophomore year I met carter after me and joey broke up for like the 5th time . he was so nice to me and everything was amazing , then after a while things started getting out of hand , I was being smacked around everywhere for no reason . no matter how hard I tried to keep carter calm I would still get him for literally nothing , one day he hit me at school and thats when I felt trapped , I never thought he would be able to get away with it in public . I didnt know what to do and thats when joey came back to me and I told him everything , he helped me escape from the toxic relationship that was built between me and carter .

once carter found out about joey he was furious and told me not to talk to him anymore or else he would hurt me and I feared for my life everyday after that , then he tried to shoot me but only shot my shoulder , after everything ive never left the house without having to look over my shoulder every 30 seconds because I was scared , I still am and now that I have to live with him just makes everything worse . then there was a light knock on the door .

" Callie can we talk ? " I heard joey say softly

" come in " I hesitated

" I'm really sorry , about everything " he sighed whilst walking up to me

" I'm not going to say that its okay because you and I both know it isn't , but I will take your apology into consideration , thank you " I smiled softly

" I know and thats okay , just know that I'm not really in a good place right now and I dont know what to do , none of the dumb decisions ive made have anything to do with you . "

I scoffed " thats always your excuse joey , if youre going to come in here and lie to me at least make it believable "

" I'm not lying Callie , I'm actually being serious here "

" okay buddy , go back to fucking Sara or something and stop fucking my life "

" although that was kind of funny I'm not going to laugh because youre obviously mad at me " he tried holding back a smile

" everything is a joke to you huh ? I'm literally sick of it you know , I'm sick of being hurt like this and I know that you know what youre doing when you fucking do it , nobody just hurts someone like that . " at this point I was holding back a tremendous amount of tears at the back of my throat

" Callie I'm sorry I really didnt mean for any of this to happen the way it is " he sighed

" you know what shut the fuck up okay , cause you and I both know that youre just saying all of this for the sake of saving your own ass . youre not sorry you did it joey , youre sorry that you got caught and youre sorry that you had to own up to it because you didnt plan on doing so . " I got up and walked to the restroom

" look I came in here to apologize , why do you always have to fight Callie "

" because joseph , I'm sick and fucking tired of it , I'm tired of everything you've put me through do you know how many times ive cried to Emily about you ? do you know how many times ive cried to my mom and dad about you ? do you know how many fucking times ive cried over you at all ? you think this is all just some sick fucking game and even though youre not the one hurting about all of this , youre still hurting someone . " I said choking on my own words with tears slipping out one by one .

" so this is all my fault now ? everything is my fault huh ? ive cried over you too Callie but you wouldn't know that because you never fucking ask . you dont care as much as you show yourself to and only someone who knows you like that would know how self fucking centered you are and you know that "

" oh my god what did I do to deserve this huh joey ? what the fuck did I do to have you sneaking around with other fucking girls right after you just got done with being with me ? do you know how gross that makes me feel ? do you ? no you dont , because to you this is fun . getting that recognition from your friends is just a real confidence booster for you isn't it joey ? "

" Callie none of this was like that , it was never how youre making it to be " he rubbed his forehead in frustration

" then how was it ? cause I'm clearly not getting it so maybe you should fill me in "

he stood there quietly and just stared at me blankly while hot tears were streaming down my face , this all really is just some game to him . i bet after hes done with Sara he'll just come right back to me like he always does and then my stupid self will take him back , just like I always do . its like no matter what I'm always going to love him like I did before and it pains me to see what I'm obviously doing to myself .

" look at it this way , if I were to have done everything that you did to me I would be a hoe right ? " I stepped closer to him

" a slut ? "

" a whore ? "

" a bitch ? "

" right joey ? I would be so fucking horrible " I said finally closing the space between us

" C-callie " his breath hitched

" if I were to cheat on you like you  did to me with only god knows how many people , it would be the end of the would wouldn't it love ? "

" n-no " he breathed breaking eye contact with me

" get out " I stepped back and into the restroom to take off the rest of my makeup and put my hair up

" what ? " he said snapping back to reality

" you heard me , bye " I snapped

" youre so fucking confusing god dammit " he said stomping out and slamming the door

" I'm a mini you Birlem " I whispered to myself

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