XXI

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Saturday Afternoon, 6th of November

Amaya

          I carefully watched Christopher as he walked into the kitchen while I stood there, trying to think of something to make for dinner. The tension didn't go unnoticed by me, nor did the looks Christopher gave me which I'm sure he thought I couldn't see.

          He didn't seem like himself today. In fact, he never seemed like himself but today was worse. Not only had I not seen him all day, instead of being out doing gang leader stuff, he was locked away in his room for the whole day. I had left breakfast at his door, knocking to let him know that it was there but when I went back to check, his food was untouched, still at the door where I had left it.

          He really didn't seem like himself at all and it was starting to worry me. I frowned as I watched him mindlessly walk around the kitchen. He was here physically but he wasn't here mentally, he almost seemed lost. His aura was not how it usually is. He didn't exactly seem angry. The only thing that could come to mind was that he was lost and confused but the only problem was that I did not know why he felt this way.

          "Christopher, are you okay?" I broke the silence, my voice quiet and cautious of the man. I watched as he stopped dead in his tracks, turning to me with an unreadable expression.

          "Why do you give a shit?" His tone was sharp and quick, almost as if he sounded annoyed.

          "I just do, I don't need to justify why I care about another human being." My tone was still calm, although I was starting to get a little annoyed at what Christopher was attempting to do.

          "Maybe I should fuckin' justify why I don't want ya' here!" I didn't flinch at the sudden loudness of Christopher's voice, instead just staring at him in complete confusion.

          "Why won't you talk to me? Christopher, I've been here for three months. It's been three months of me trying to talk to you, get you to open up to me, help you. What more am I supposed to do? I'm here to prove to you that you are a good person and I can't possibly do that with you and your attitude. I'm being nice to you, being patient and calm. What more do I need to do?" My impatience was starting to show slightly but I reminded myself to stay calm.

          "I don't fuckin' care, Amaya. I fuckin' don't. I'm a motherfuckin' gang leader, what do ya' expect? You're wastin' your fuckin' time here." Christopher's voice was a warning. A warning for me not to talk anymore but I was done with his attitude and how he thought he could just continue to treat me like this.

          "I'm trying to help you! Do you not see yourself Christopher? Do you not see what a, a horrible person you are? Forget about all that gang stuff, that has nothing to do with this. I'm talking about you as a person, not what your job is. You're so stereotypical, being the mean, scary gang leader when in reality it's just an act. I'm sitting here, watching you put on this mask, this, this persona of yourself that isn't who you are. Why? Why are you trying so hard to make yourself this rude, heartless man? What are you going to get out of it? Respect? Fame? Money? All you're doing is making people fear you. You're known all over New York and it's for a bad reason. I've heard mother's warn their own kids to stay away from you and for what? Just so that you can gain power? You've gotten nothing out of this. All this so called respect that you have right now is going to mean nothing one day. I'm trying to help you Christopher, I don't want you to have to act like someone you're not. I only want what's best for you. I want you to be happy as yourself. Your real self." I huffed, trying to catch my breath as I stared at Christopher.

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