Forgive Me?..

Chapter 8

30 minute love affair (Paloma Faith)

Chapter 7

I love you, but i'm scared..

Bella p.o.v

Thank god. Im out of this place, god hospital bed's suck! Edward has stay by my side every second off everyday apart from 'pretending' to go to the bathroom so he looks human infront of Charlie. Everyone is watching me like i'm about to break but the thing is they dont realize that i have already broke..This police woman came to see me yesterday, telling me that everything is going to be 'alright', really? do they think im stupid? i know that it will never be alright, what do they want? They want me to go back to normal, act like i have never been raped over and over, never been beaten over and over, never taken drugs, never drank alcohol, never self-harmed, never got into fights, act like i just havent woken up from a coma, cause new flash i have done all that. Damn it hurts every day, i have nightmares about the men on top of me, the whip coming down on my back, the pain is still there and every time i wake up from a njightmare Edward is there, he holds me while i cry, he kisses my forehead, keeps his face in my head yet i never let him kiss my lips, because i just cant bring myself to it yet, he understands and i can see the hurt in his eyes that i wont let him and i also know he feels guilty for everything that happen to me, like it was his fault. Yes he did cheat on me but really he didnt know he was cheating on me because Tnaya had control of his body and mind(yes if some of yous are wantung to know, i believ him.) but he didnt make me want to runaway, he didnt make start drinking or self harming and he didnt make me go with that man. i didit all myself. i have no one to blame but my self. Me and Edward have talked about everything, at first i couldnt bring myself to tell the police what happen, so i told Edward everything, including what i did when i first ranaway, it was hard i could tell if he could cry he would of been. He recorded everything i said, then said he would show the police this as i still couldnt tell them even when Edward said he would stay with me i just couldnt. So at this very moment Edward, Charlie, Jake, Everyone of the cullens and the police are all listening to the tape. i can feel the urge to to find some of my pills, i cant take it, i cant take the stares, the pity showed clearly in theirs eyes, my own father crying by my bedside because he didnt stop anyone from hurting his little girl, Edward and the guilt in his eyes, Jake and his guilt God i just cant take it any more. i need to forget. Just for an hour or two then i'll be ok to carry on.

Im searching everywhere, the draws, Edwards coat everywhere i cant find them.

WHERE ARE THEY?

I can feel my self panicing, my heart feels like its about to jump out of my chest, i slide down the wall, pull my legs up to my chin, start to rock myself to get rid off this horrible feeling.

I dont want to be this person anymore, i want to be Bella again.

Edwards Bella.

Jakes Bella.

Daddy girl.

I want to come back.

Why cant i come back?

I start to sob, my body shaking, i need to edward, i want to make it stop. i cant stop. God i cant stop it.  Make it stop, Please make it, I start chanting, please i'm begging. need out.

Edward p.o.v

This weeks be hell but then its been good, i know now that Bella has forgiven me about tanya as she realizes that i wasnt in control. i know that its gonna take time to get her to trust be but hell i'm ready to give her the world. Bella is slowly getting bvetter, she still in a wheel chair, which she hates. Every night i will lie with her in bed and hold her while she sleeps, i rock her to sleep, i hum her lullaby quietly. Nearly every night, she will wake up screaming, or shaking because of a nightmare, and everything i will hold her in my arms, and kiss everywhere but her sleeps till she is sleeping peacfully. Bella has asked me not to kiss her lips yet, i undertsnad because she still doesnt trust me enough and feel like it will only hurt more but she said give her time, and i will. even though it hurts me but i will do it. Bella cant talk to the police about what happens, only me, i told her i would stay with her when she talks but she cant. So i come up with an idea, i will record her while she tells me everything and thats just what i did.

She told me about what she would d to herseelf, God that hurt, and know even when she told me that she chose to do that i know she chose it because of me, then she would tell me of the rapes, the beatening the fights, even though i was proud of my bella for fighting back and told her she can go into to fighting if that helps but she just turn around with a panic look in hyer eyes begging me not to make her do it, she doesnt like it she said she only did it because she had to. and that she doesnt want to do it again, i told her i wont make her do anything she doesnt want to do. That i will not let anyone hurt her again. Bella wont let me leave her alone, she said she believes they will come and get her but they cant as they are in jill but she still has dreams about them coming back and about me letting her go with them.

Right down i'm sat in the room next to Bella's with my father,  charlie and jake and the police. The recording is played. i can see my family looking as if they could cry they would, The police listened in disgust and the thoughts were about bella and about how could someone done something like that to a young girl, charlie had his head in his hand, silently crying. I listened to his thoughts..

***My poor baby girl, how could i let this happen to her. i promised her i would look after her, how i wouldnt let her be hurt, i would always pick her up when she fell down.

(FLASHBACK CHARLIE MEMORYS)

---"DADDYYY, DADDDYYY" I could hear my 6year old bella crying for me in the middle of the night, i ran into her bedroom to find her sitting up in bed crying..

"Whats wrong baby?" i sat on her bed and pulled her onto my lap, and slowly rocked us till she stopped crying.

"I had a nightmare about a monster coming out from under my bed" B ella cried to me, I slightly smiled, my baby had a vived mind.

"Honey, i wont let any monster get you ok? for the rest of your life i will be there to fight them off, i will always pick you up when you fall down, i got you baby girl. i love you"

"i love you daddy, can i sleep in your bed tonight?" I smiled at night, god i love her so much.

"Ok baby" i carried her into my bed then got in and held her in my arms till she fell asleep, her little arms clinging onto me, i slowly fell asleep again with my angel in my arms.----

I let her down, i didnt protect her from the monsters.****

As listened to charlie thoughts i could hear my bella heart rate picking, looking over to my father i could see that he had also heard as well as tyhe rest of my family. i could hear bella chanting;

"please make itgo away, i dont wnat it . Make it stop"

i stood up with my father and we both told them that we would go check on my bella. They all agreed and carried on listening.

As ipushed the dor to bella room, i could see her in the corner with her knees pulled up under her chin while she rocked her self and sobbing quietly.

My heart just broke.

"Bella, baby, what is it?" my voice breaking twice as i made my way over to pull her into my arms to rock her,.

"i need them edward, they make it go away, but i dont want to take. But its atking ove rme and i cant stop it."

**Edwards she on about the pills, the bnody is suffering from not taking them. you need to fill the bath with cold water and go int the bath with her until she sleep. I'll leave you to it, dont worry if she just blacks out in the bath its normal. Dont listen to what she says, she not in control anymore***

And with that thought my dad walked out the door.

I picked bella up telling her i'll make it better, make the pain stop. i lifted her in my arms. Waited till the the bath filled up.

"Give me them edward, please. im dying. your killing me"

her thoughts were killing me.

I slid in the bath with her, and with a gasp as the cold watwer hit her body, she passed out.

i sklowly started to dry sob with her in my arms, i heard  the door opening and closing, and jake came in.

Helped get bella out and into dry clothes and placed her in bed help me up and told me to get change as when she woke up she gonna need me, and with that he walked out.