Insanely in Love

16

Yall I'm stressed and I should be doing school but I'm at rehersal
Phillip

I nod and watch her leave. Then. I look theew out the room. I even felt the walls- they arent concrete!! I forgot what regular wall felt like, honestly, you dont realize these kinds of things until it's been gone from you for..god only knows how long

[I started this chapter when I was still doing Frozen Jr rehersals..now I'm in a whole different play]

I begin looking around. For everything. I look in the nightstand, theres a couple books in it, little nicknacks.

I touch the candle heat. It burnt my finger. I touch the hot wax and I'm sent back. Back..back..

~Phillip, before the center~

(I'm basing some of this off my own experience.., so trigger warning. Self harm.)

Why am I still alive? Really? I dont have anything. Eliza likes those kids at the adoption center more than me, if I'm gone she will just replace me. She isnt home. Yet.

I look around, the house smells nice. We have a candle burning.. I dont know what comes over me. I blow out the candle. I hesitate for a moment. What am I doing?

Then, I just do it. I pour the candle wax on my arm, it burns badly, but its such a sudden rush, it's over quickly, the wax dries on my arm. I simply peel it off into a bowl. I pour more of the wax out and into it. Then I melt the wax in the microwave. I do it again. And again. Theres a big red patch on my arm, I can tell blisters will form. Its spilt everywhere. I start cleaning up when suddenly I hear the door open...

~present Phillip~

My eyes widen, in the shock of the memory, I knock down the candle, the wax spilling, the fire went out as he fell, the glass broke..glass..oh god..

•Phillip, still with John, after meeting Alex, but they still lived on the street.•

We have to sleep out here in the cold..daddy says it's for the best. I lay down, I'm in his arms. This is the peak of warmth. Suddenly I wake up to a shattering sound. Daddy wakes up too. I look around, I start crying. Daddy shushed me but it's to late. The tears have started. People are throwing their alcohol bottle at us, they shatter against the wall, the glass cuts into me, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Daddy covers me, taking most the glass to his back. He groans in pain as he bleeds.
That night seemed to never end. The rest seems to be blacked out

~present Phillip~

I look at my sides seeing the scars. I can perfectly remember which are from the bottles and which are from me. I back up and pick up my stuffies. I have to protect them.

Frances rushes in and gasps "Phillip! Oh my god, what happened!?" I hear faintly. I'm dizzy. It's going black. It's going black..go away go away go away go away..fight please, don't let the darkness win.
I pass out.
The darkness won.