TW mentions of cutting
A lot happened in 2018 as you could tell as in all the chapters where in the 2018,so here's what what happened at home. My parents my mom was never home and when she was my dad was asleep, but when she wasn't we where home alone unless my dad was there and he scared the hell out of me a lot and this is why. He would always yell at me and my siblings and at the time I was just 10 or 11. He scared me a lot again and I will never forgive him for what he did.
He would curse at us and it made me feel like I was useless and I could never do anything good enough, he would always tell me and he still does he says I could have done better, I always think that and I end up over working myself and then I won't sleep. I don't smile a lot or I cover the fact that I am and if you see me smile and I hide it unless I can't or I'm with a friend don't say oh I see that smile because I smile when I'm in trouble or when people are yelling at me and my dad thought I thought it was funny that he yelled at me but it's a thing I do I couldn't tell him because he would never want to hear it and he would say oh you think this is funny so now I think it's disrespectful to I can't tell anyone that though well anyone I'm really close to because I feel like I don't need their pity.
Once I heard my dad screaming at my brother for eating like a normal person and I came in and told him to stop, my brothers eyes where red from crying too much and I just came over and hugged my brother witch I didn't normally do. My father argued with me and all I said was that I loved my brother and I don't care about anything he had to say. That was the day I started to call my mom every time this happened and when she got home they fought so much and even in general too.
My parents are homophobia's and I am pansexual and transgender. I hated everything.
That night I got a blade out of a pencil sharpener and cut myself a lot and nobody knew. I liked watching the blood spill out from my arm and the deeper I cut into my arm the more it hurt but I didn't mind I liked it a lot and yes I knew it was dangerous to do that but I didn't care it made me feel a little less numb.
