Old Sepia Pages

7. fame

19th july, friday, 2019

dear diary,

There are all these people telling me that I'm a good singer. But they don't know anything. They don't have the skill to judge me, just like I can't judge dancers because all dance looks the same to me as long as it makes me feel something. Everything looks perfect on camera. I alone know how much more work is required.

I've thought of something. I know I'm losing a lot of followers. And I know that retaining followers is as important as gaining new ones. So I've decided to regularly connect with them from now on.

I once read that people somehow feel more connected to actors who appear in a series than those who appear in a movie. It's because people watch a series regularly, perhaps during their family-time on couches at home, and so they connect with the actors on an emotional level, as they would with a friend. Movie actors, on the other hand, appear more 'sophisticated' to us, because a movie is a one-time watch, and the actors appear in different roles each time, so we can't connect to them that much.

That is what I need to consider here. You know how there are vloggers on YouTube who do nothing except for making videos about their boring life, yet people come back for more? I've experienced it too. There is a girl just like me who makes covers on Instagram, but along with those, on her stories she keeps talking about her day and funny stuff that happened to her. And that's what made me notice her. I saw her face periodically, I listened to her, and I started feeling as if I knew her. Her name got stuck in my mind. Now I notice her when she does something. And her singing might not be very good, but this is what made me keep following her.

So I've decided to talk to my followers through Instagram stories. And anyway, it will be a preparation for my future, much-coveted stardom. Talent is not the only thing that sells anymore. Who you are as a person matters, perhaps more than your skill does.

Or maybe I'm relying on this blogging thing because I know that my talent isn't enough to get me what I want. Jeez, I have a long way to go, and sometimes I get scared that I don't have it in me to pursue it, to chase my dreams.

Though I want fame, I don't deserve it right now because I'm not one of those artists who can sing spontaneously when requested to. I'm not prolific either. I take centuries to produce something, because I focus more on quality than on quantity. I read an article recently about a study in which pottery students were divided into 2 groups and asked to make pots. One group was to focus on quantity, the other on quality. Surprisingly, the people who focused on quantity made pots of better quality than the other group. Perhaps it was because the second group was so caught up in the idea of making the perfect pot, that they just kept thinking about it and didn't attempt it till they felt satisfied by the image in their heads. They kept feeling like they weren't quite there yet, and didn't attempt to make the pot until the last moment under the pressure of a deadline, and then it didn't turn out quite right. So the key to quality is to start doing something, even if you feel it's not perfect yet. When you have it in front of you, you can appraise it and point out the flaws and can do better next time, but you can't really do it all in your head. I guess the same applies to writing. I need to get it out there as a draft to even begin crawling towards perfection.

Sometimes I feel like even if I got a music deal or something, I won't know what to do with it. Or like, even if I do manage to attract people to my page, I don't have much to offer to them or to make them stay. I lack quantity.

And if I want more response, I need to create enough hype before I post something. What I've learnt is that I can't just mention something in passing and expect people to take notice of it, especially on social media where millions of posts fight for your attention. I have to become shameless while selling myself. What was stopping me till now was the fear that I won't be able to live up to the hype that I create. But hey, so what? Even if I'm not, people will forget about it soon. Perhaps they'll take notice of me. Perhaps they'll laugh because they think I'm funny, or perhaps they will laugh at me. Whatever it is, I will be in public attention. I used to think that I will never do anything for attention, because I don't want to be one of those talentless dumbasses who keep praising themselves or something, but let's try this anyway.

And then, when I've posted something, I need to promote it and talk about it. I can't think that if it's good, it will attract people on its own, and sit back to relax. Maybe it just doesn't work that way.

Let's see.

❄️