10th september, tuesday, 2019
dear diary,
Here's what my problem with porn is:
It's basically just two people going at each other. There is no emotion. I want to see them looking into each other's eyes, smiling. I want to see them holding hands. I want them to make love. Can I not find those kind of videos on the internet anywhere? Why do I always see a man just...fucking a woman? There's more to the relationship between a man and a woman.
Porn sites are full of videos like, "sleeping with girlfriend's sister" and I don't know who comes up with these concepts, but to me they're fucked up. How is cheating sexy?
I think the reason behind lust is the thinking that that satisfaction of sex is purely physical. It's not. There's more to it. Sex is every bit as emotional and spiritual as it is physical.
Apart from that, Wattpad is full of young girls writing bad-boy-good-girl stories which feature scenes in which the boy just pushes a girl against the wall and starts kissing her. Sometimes, he exercises power on her, and I have no idea why it's considered sexy. Apparently, the girls think that boys doing this indicates that the boy is so overcome with desire that he can't hold himself back, which is every girl's dream, but...no. That's giving out such a wrong idea about things. Not taking consent is just... bad. In a lot of cases, the girl is shown to enjoy it and kiss him back. Sometimes, during this magical kiss, she realizes that she likes him back.
There are rape videos on porn sites, for fuck's sake. I've seen videos in which after getting turned on by a man forcing himself on her, the woman starts to respond too. What is up with this generation?
This attitude of "never give up" and "never take no for an answer", this bullshit is just not applicable to relationships. Do boys think that they know what's good for a woman? That she has desires which she doesn't herself know about, which he is going to awaken? Or that girls secretly appreciate this behavior?
And then there are people with the mentality that girls who get raped lose their 'honour and respect'. I've heard the parents of rape victims make statements like this. Why do people not understand that if a guy played with my feelings and left me, I'm not the one to be blamed for being fooled easily. He's the one to be blamed for being a cheat. It's the rapist who loses respect, not the victim.
Elder people have frequently told me that I should dress 'appropriately' if I have to maintain my 'respect' in society. Excuse me, but no one in the world can control my respect but me. As long as I respect myself, the world will respect me. And I will not stop respecting myself till I do something wrong in my own eyes. That applies to whatever situation I'm put in: even if someday, someone photoshops my face onto a nude body or leaks a video of me taking a bath. It happens to girls. Boys do these things and then threaten to ruin their lives. I think if a woman clearly understands that her fear is the leverage that the boy has; and if her fear is removed from the equation, the guy can't blackmail her; and she can eradicate her fear by understanding that the only way he can ruin her life is if she lets him, then she's invincible.
That's all I wanted to say for today.
❄
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