Don't Blame Yourself (Yoshiki x Ayumi Fanfiction)

Chapter 5: I Can't Take It Anymore

Ayumi's P.O.V

Today was the first time I've seen Yoshiki since the hospital, and God did that make me hate myself even more. He's in crutches, and his head is forced to be bandaged. He's pulled out of class to get his head re-bandaged, since the skull hasn't healed over yet. The skin has, and some of the hair, but hitting his head would mean death.

I don't know why I'm so stupid, goddammit! I just want it all to end... forever.

That's all I had in my head as I slowly trudged up the stairs to the roof of Kisargi. I decided to do this when I saw Mochida-chan after school, dropping a picture of Mochida and her hugging. And this was right after I caught Nakashima making out with Mochida in the hallway. I had accepted this... I had accepted my death. Why couldn't I just have died?

I opened the door to outside, onto the roof. I was alone. Good. I didn't want anyone to see me jump. I didn't want them to see me dead... I walk over to the edge of the roof and look down. There's a few people down there, but I didn't know them. I guess it was now or never...

I step onto the edge of the roof, and close my eyes, ready to fall. I purposely start to tilt forward...

Goodbye... World...

Just then, I felt someone grab my arm and pull me back on the ground. I yelped in surprise, and fell backwards. Whoever it was lost their footing and fell backwards with me.  The wind had been knocked out of me. It took me a moment to get hold of what had just happened. I closed my eyes again, hoping I would somehow magically float back onto the ledge and fall.

"What the hell were you doing, Shinozaki?" Kishinuma asked, sighing. Why was he up here? That explains why he fell, though. I opened my eyes and turned to see him, tears filling my eyes.

"I-I can't take it anymore!" I stammered, falling into his chest as tears stained his jacket. I didn't know what I was doing, but I didn't really care. I knew he was surprised, because he was frozen there. 

He didn't answer, he just wrapped his arms around me. I needed to move, but I felt so safe and warm in his arms. We were silent for a few minutes, just sitting there while I sobbed.

"Shinozaki... What's wrong?" He asked softly. I debated answering or not, but I needed to get it out.

"I-It's my fault... Everything that happened is. Your injuries... Heavenly Host..." My voice quivered. I just wanted the painful guilt to go away...

"No, it's not. I chose to push you out of the way, so it's my fault for making a stupid, suicidal decision."

"What about the... Charm?"

"Like I said before, you didn't know the instructions were wrong." I knew he was right, but I know I should have known better then to believe that a silly charm could do such a thing.

"W-Why were you up here?" I asked. I wanted to change the subject off of this. And, I wanted to know why. Did he follow me... Was he already up here and I just had a blind moment? Thought, part of me was glad he saved me from falling, and that I was in his arms, but the other parts of me just wanted me to jump off the building for this event, too.

"I noticed you looked really upset, and when you headed up to the roof, I had a feeling what you were going to do, so I followed you." He replied. I mumbled a 'oh', almost inaudibly.

"I'm going home..." I pulled myself away and started walking towards where I entered the roof. I ran down the stairs, despite the calling of 'Shinozaki!'. I just kept sprinting along, not caring that I could hardly breathe.

Half of this was written at 4 AM-5 AM, so yeah, this chapter might not be the best...

Hope you enjoyed :P

Romance is coming, so be patient x3