Out of The Blue

39 - Gone

Clare couldn't get Michael's kiss out of her mind. It was like a movie on loop constantly. It played when she was driving, showering, eating, and trying to sleep. She wanted to call him, but her heart could never choose between him or her family. How many movies and book premises required a choice which caused resentment. Would she one day resent him because she was away from her family? Her father was getting older, and Nicky needed her guidance.

She immersed herself in work. Three weeks had passed when Lindsay appeared at her door. She looked at Clare. It was her day off and she was still in her pajamas past noon.

"Jesus, you're as bad as him. What happened?"

"What do you mean?" Clare attempted to play dumb.

"At his house on New Year's?"

"What has Michael said?" She knew she hurt him to protect herself even though it wasn't really working.

"Nothing. He works nonstop and refuses to see us. He used to come for dinner at least once a week, but he won't come. What happened?"

Clare sighed. "He kissed me."

"Was that a bad thing?"

"Yes..."

"Why because you're with Marco?"

"I'm not with Marco anymore."

"So, what's the problem? I know you like Michael and don't tell me he's a bad kisser."

"I only wish."

"Tell me why you are both miserable."

Clare sobbed. "Because I'm leaving, I won't stay, and I don't want anything to cause me to want to stay."

"Anything or anyone?"

"Not just anyone. A someone."

"So what do I tell him?"

"I'm leaving and I was glad I met him."

"Are you glad?" Lindsay frowned.

"No, but I only have a little over five months. I need to focus. In my free time, I need to be studying for my boards. The time will fly by."

"Are you shutting me out?"

"No, but I will miss you, too."

"See I knew you'll miss him!" Lindsay smiled.

Clare wanted to cry and her friend hugged her.

As she left, she said she was sorry. Clare was too.

A week later, she was still convinced avoiding Michael was the best thing. She made plans to meet Lindsay at the park. It crossed her mind it could be a trick, but her friend was waiting alone with Teddy.

She looked at Clare. "You look like you've lost weight."

"I've been busy. I'm on an intense rotation." It was true, but she was glad for the distraction.

"I told him you weren't with Marco."

"What's his name." Clare tried to smile at the memory.

Lindsay nodded. "He drove by your house on New Year's Eve and saw his car."

Clare shouldn't feel guilty but she did. "He stopped by. We started out as friends and moved on to the benefits. I guess we needed one more tumble, but now we are really just work friends. He wouldn't accept I'm going home. Then he was mad I left at Christmas. Michael bought my tickets." She wiped her eyes.

"He did more than that. He worked out the deal for you to switch weeks. He arranged a romantic getaway for your friend."

Clare didn't know.

"He won't say it but I know he loves you."

"But... but we haven't even dated... one kiss."

"I don't know if he has ever been in love before."

Clare shook her head. "I never have. I haven't had time and I don't have any now."

"You are both so stubborn."

Clare wanted to say she would call him, and they would spend the time she had left getting each other out of their systems, but she knew it would kill her. Instead, she smiled at her friend. "So tell me how you're feeling."

A week later, Lindsay invited her for lunch and insisted it be on a weekday. Clare asked her why. She said, "Toby doesn't want me seeing you."

"Why?" Clare felt hurt.

"Because he's on team Michael. He's his best friend. We fought over it."

Clare felt horrible. "Thanks for the invitation but I'll pass."

"No! It's not fair if you blow me off, now Michael's gone."

"What do you mean Michael is gone?" Clare felt panicked.

"He went away. No one knows where. He told Rodney he needed time off and disappeared."

"Is he safe?" Clare felt her pulse quicken.

"He'll reply to texts. So yeah, he's fine."

"Did I make him do this?"

"Toby thinks so. I don't know. Maybe he wanted to travel. He can afford it."

"Did he go home?"

Lindsay laughed. "I doubt it." Clare agreed.

When they met for lunch, Lindsay had no new updates on Michael. The friends talked, but their conversation felt strained.

Clare left feeling bad, but it was almost March and she was busy studying and applying for jobs. She wanted to work at Lake's Region but would be happy with any position she received.

She stayed busy, because whenever she had a few minutes to relax she thought about Michael. Finally, she texted him.

Clare: I'm sorry. I never meant for you to go away.

He replied but not right away.

Michael: I know. I needed to do this. I'll see you when I get back.

Clare: When?

Michael: In a few weeks. How are you?

Before she knew it, she had fallen into his trap. They texted on and off. She was looking forward to his return. She was mad at herself, because she would suffer later.

One day, she received a text.

Michael: I'm coming back. Can I come see you? I promise no kisses unless you want one.

Her hand shook as she tried to respond. She couldn't say no. She had hurt him and driven him away. She also missed him. She longed to see his face and hear his voice.

She survived three months without him. When she went home, it would be easier because there wouldn't be any reminders of him.

The day he came to see her, she should have been studying. Instead, she paced the floor nervously and changed her shirt three times. Thankfully, he was punctual.

When she opened the door, he stood on her threshold staring at her. He frowned and she worried he was still angry.

He looked good. He was no longer tan, so she knew he wasn't basking in the sun. He may have lost weight like her. She had lost enough her mother would notice. She would have to eat. She didn't want to return home looking unwell. She had job interviews.

She looked into his warm caramel eyes. "I'm sorry. I know I hurt you. I was just protecting myself."

He sighed.