A Small Voice

Chapter Six

"And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah." Judges 16:4

I was back at Charlie's running Big Bertha and dizzy with thoughts about my night at the party. I had butterflies in my stomach. Rachel would be in for her shift any moment. After dropping her off at home, I had quietly snuck into my house and spent the rest of the night repenting for my deceit and for my drinking. I had sinned in a major way, yet I didn't feel as bad about it as I felt I should. It had been so exhilarating. And now I struggled to understand the spiritual harm it was supposed to cause me. Where was the unbearable guilt? Was I supposed to chastise myself? And how, if I didn't feel sorry in the first place? On top of it all, Rachel wasn't a Christian, which meant it would be impossible to have a real relationship with her. Bible passages about being unequally yoked swirled in my head. All these bothersome thoughts consumed me to the point that I'd hardly slept. During the night, I'd stupidly bitten my arm out of frustration until it bled. Why couldn't I just be normal and enjoy the relationship that was developing? That said, today was a new day, and I decided to put my worries aside. I would be a boy simply excited to see a girl. In any case, my guilt would still be there, waiting for me, after my shift.

She rushed into the shop, running a bit late as usual.

"Hey, Rachel," I said. My nerves were on edge, but I did my best to seem nonchalant.

"Hey, Dan." She walked over to me. She smelled of tobacco and freshly washed hair.

"I missed you, I thought you'd call."

She sounded genuinely hurt, as well as mildly annoyed.

"I wanted to call you, believe me. The crappy thing is I don't have my own phone, and my parents are so nosey. I told them I was working Sunday night. They would have never let me go to the lake."

"What! You didn't tell them about me?" She seemed to lighten up after hearing my legitimate excuse. "Your parents would love me, Dan. I could win them over." She punched my shoulder.

"Oh man, Rachel, my parents are very religious, trust me, you don't want them to know we hang out."

"I thought you were really religious."

"Oh, I am. Uh, it's just that they're old school. Like, my religion is pretty strict, but they take it to a whole new level."

She moved in close to me, her eyes considering mine, and her voice nearly a whisper. "Do you still think I'm pretty, even now that the alcohol has worn off? You'd had a lot to drink when you told me so."

My heart rate shifted into overdrive when Rachel came near me. I looked into her eyes. "I think you're the prettiest girl God ever made." I slid my hands into her hair and threaded the silky strands through my fingers.

"Okay, lovebirds." Sandy interrupted. She wore the look of a disapproving manager, but I could tell she was happy for me. "I know chatting is more fun than work, but we have a soccer mom at the counter waiting on coffee."

Glancing at the counter, I could see the lady did need one. She had two hyper children on each side, and sleepy-looking eyes.

"Sorry for the wait."

I tamped down the portafilter for another espresso shot while Rach got busy at the sandwich bar. I'd glance her way at every opportunity, and I'd sometimes catch her looking back at me. Charlie's became like an alternate universe. It was as if a veil of mist hid us from the outside world. I was totally in love with her. And even though she was ten feet away from me, when I focused, I could feel her warm body pressed against me, the way it had been in the forest. Having her there made the work so easy, and the hours flew by too fast. The closer it got to closing time, the more I wished I could slow the clock down.